At the highest-stakes Texas hold ’em poker table in Iowa, you put your career on the line. Every Friday, a group of graduate students gathered at a professor’s house. This professor, he was short, balding, and a British footballer. If it was your first time at his table, you’d drink wine for free and he’d chip $10 into the pot for you. He’d grab an LP, something you never heard before but was charming, like The Doves or Interpol. A 500-page book sat at the edge of the poker table, and the professor talked about the awards it won and his Cambridge education. He’d invite you back for another game, but next time, you bring the wine and chip in $20 to the pot. By the fifth game, you’re bringing snacks and booze and maybe some of his groceries. The book was always on the table, as were the stories of Cambridge. One night, the soundtrack would be Tom Waits for three hours straight. Who listens to Tom Waits for that long? Of course, he asked you to get the $60 bottle of wine because you’re enjoying your time so much. Seems like the professor is winning more than usual tonight. Around 11PM, you notice there’s some cards missing from the discard pile nearby the professor. You mention it. The professor stands, his hand on his award-winning book, his mood affected by the Pinot Noir you paid for. He looks you in the eye and says, “You’re accusing an award-winning, full professor in your department, from Cambridge, of cheating?” And you realize: it’s the cost of the wine and the buy-in, or your career. You went swimming with the sharks, and you got eaten. You back down. Tom Waits keeps growling in the background.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Devin Singletary may end up being a story of what could have been in 2020. The rumors had been going around for much of the offseason that Buffalo would be seeking another back to compliment Singletary, but I didn’t want to believe it so I pushed my chips in during an April bestball. And by pushing my chips in, I mean, I really pushed my chips in. The type of bestball draft that we were doing was a slow auction, where every player on the board has a clock of 12 hours that gets reset to 10 hours every time that there is a new bid. It goes a lot faster than you think, there is is usually 36 players on the board at a time that you can bid on.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s NFL Draft Week 2020! I hope you are all planning to celebrate in some kind of awesome way. I will be setting up a draft prediction pool and running a Zoom poker night while the picks come in. This is the closest thing to sports we’ve had since the shutdown and we have to bask in its glow.
While I think it’s valuable to have your favorite prospects in some tiered order pre-draft, there’s no way to ignore that landing spot matters to some extent. In dynasty I think your own talent evaluation should be weighted most, but for redraft leagues landing spot is very important in how we should view a rookie’s year 1 potential. I have laid out my rankings for QB, RB, WR, and TE previously but now will give you my favorite rookie landing spots.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The 2020 NFL Draft Combine has come and gone. Here’s what we learned: Henry Ruggs isn’t slow, two large trees were killed in the making of A.J. Dillon’s legs, Jonathan Taylor is THE MAN, and eight large deep dish pizzas (Pequods-only) in three days is too much for any one donkey. So now what? First, I’ll probably need to go to the gym to work off these 30 extra combine-pizza-pounds. But you’re here for fantasy football discussion, not updates on Donkey’s rapidly deteriorating physical and mental health. Well, our 2020 Dynasty and Rookie Rankings are now being populated and updated frequently, and B_Don is plowing thru the film on his 2020 NFL Draft Previews. I went over my top 20 and top 40 dynasty running backs last week and made a couple minor post-combine tweaks once the dust settled (insert Jonathan Taylor eggplant emoji). Anyway, here’s my top 60 running backs for 2020 PPR dynasty football:
Disclaimer: If you’re sensitive to ridiculously high rankings of Kerryon Johnson, don’t scroll too far.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Have you stocked up on disposable N-95 masks, canned goods and lotion yet? Oh, you don’t think you’ll need a stockpile of lotion for what’s coming? Once I’m in self-quarantine, here’s how I picture my daily routine:
12:00 AM – 6:00 AM: Dream About Kerryon Johnson MVP season(s)
6:00 AM – 9:00 AM: Eat Pancakes
9:00 AM – 12:00 AM: Rosterbate to my Dynasty Teams
Needless to say, my lotion supply is locked and loaded. Speaking of locked and loaded, check out all of our 2020 Fantasy Football Dynasty and Rookie Rankings! I went over my top 20 dynasty running backs (full list at bottom of this post) earlier this week between visits to the lotion dealer; yes, I’m still irrationally high on Kerryon Johnson and crystal meth. Anyway, here’s my top 40 running backs for 2020 PPR dynasty football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The zero RB truth-ing will never stop. But maybe, just maybe, the 2019 season results will put a halt to the growth of it’s following. When looking at the top 12 finishes for 2019 in PPR leagues: 5 of the players were running backs, 6 were quarterbacks (obviously), and there was only one wide receiver. Of the 5 running backs that finished in the top 12, 3 of them had 2019 ADPs in the top 15. Those players were Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook, and somehow Ezekiel Elliott.
I’m sort of trolling with that first paragraph, zero RB is by no means a bad strategy. An easy counter argument is to point out how well Austin Ekeler, Mark Ingram, and Chris Carson finished. Austin Ekeler was a popular zero RB target and we’ll get to him a little later.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked. Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.
A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.
So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth finally returns from overseas just in time for B_Don to trash his Top 75 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But first, many congratulations to all the winners of the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast Leagues, the Razzball Commenter Leagues and the first ever RazzBowl winner, Mike Beers!
Once the guys dig into the early 2020 dynasty rankings, B_Don questions the low rankings of Terry McLaurin, Kareem Hunt, Chris Carson and Joe Mixon, as well as the high rankings of Sony Michel, Baker Mayfield and T.J. Hockenson. Donkey is also forced to justify the omissions of Devin Singletary, Derrius Guice, N’Keal Harry, Micheal Gallup and Devante Parker. Tune in for a dynasty debate on all these players, dynasty philosophy and much more!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Two weeks ago I amused the people with my top 25 for 2020 dynasty football where I wrote about my crooked hard-on for Kerryon Johnson from my cushy American barn. Last week I captivated the audience with my top 50 for 2020 dynasty football where I insulted JuJu Smith-Schuster while vacationing in Madrid. This week I’ll regale the world with my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football, written while stranded in Paris on Jesus’s Birthday. Long story short: the Europeans are on strike. Nobody wants to work, making my holiday travels a challenge. But there’s worse places to get stuck than Paris where Donkey has made the most of it by visiting world renowned Peyronie’s Disease specialists, eating hay crêpes and discovering new football talent; I’ve heard this Cristiano Ronaldo hombre will be a great kicker. Anyway, here’s my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As the season winds to a close it’s time to stop flirting with the transition to 2020 and dive in. This isn’t to say I’m done with 2019, not even close. I’m planning an upcoming long form article with an entire season review, but writing only a single article this week I thought it would enjoyable to provide my early .5 PPR first-round rankings for 2020. I’ve been searching around for others who have engaged in this exercise and it looks like I might be the first brave soul to assuredly be laughed at next summer. For those of you that are here for week 16 nuggets, congrats! You are either loyal readers, or trying to win a championship! Don’y worry, I’ve still got you covered at the bottom.Please, blog, may I have some more?