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While Donkey Teeth is off at his retreat, (which I like to envision as some kind of Legend of Zelda quest to save the princess and find his inner hero) B_Don brings in a guest co-host, Rob Davenport to profile the new Panthers WRs, Jarius Wright, Curtis Samuel, and D.J. Moore. The guys disagree on which of the three will become the #1 in Carolina, but are both in agreement that Devin Funchess is not long for the #1 WR designation. B_Don makes Rob uncomfortable with some Drew Brees talk in recognition of his record breaking performance, and maybe Tre’Quan Smith was just a little too wide open….

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Last week was a mixed bag of waiver recommendations.

I made some great waiver suggestions: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Phillip Lindsay, Geronimo Allison, Brandon McManus. But also some that left both of us scratching our heads: Tyrod Taylor, Jonnu Smith, Washington Redskins and Ryan Grant. I’m pretty confident in my picks for this upcoming week — even the Blake Bortles one! (Oh God, what have I done…)

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Another week, and unfortunately another huge injury. On Sunday, Arian Foster tore his Achilles’ tendon and is out for the season after coming back only a few weeks prior from preseason groin surgery. A tough blow for owners who had seemed to have gotten a steal when drafting him back in August and September. The situation in Houston tough and to try and replace their star running back is not going to be a pretty one. Alfred Blue is expected to receive the first shot at replacing Arian Foster, but it’ll be hard to trust someone that outside of a 31 carry/139 yard/1 touchdown in Week 3 versus Tampa Bay (it’s Tampa Bay for Godsake), has gone for 95 yards rushing on 29 rushing attempts (3.28 yards per carry). He should still be picked up in most leagues but stashed on benches as he can’t be trusted as more than a low end RB3/FLEX option for the time being. Neither Chris Polk nor Jonathan Grimes are worth rostering for the time being, however.

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Jay’s 2015 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Rookies |

Kevin’s 2015 IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

So we’ve finally arrived at what many consider the Cadillac of rankings– the running back position. Though, I don’t really get the car association, seeing as how there are several other makes I’d rather own. I’d even consider some KIA’s, but that might be my half-Koreaness (is that a thing?) coming into play. Which might make it raycess. Who knows? What I do know is that KIA stands for Keeping It Awesome, and that’s all that matters. Because you should, in fact, keep it awesome. How the car company has gone so long without using this in their P.R. campaign boggles the mind. Regardless, here we are, ranking the running backs, and the first thing that I think of is a new and innovative marketing strategy for a car manufacturer. Why this is the first thing that came to mind is the more interesting subject, but I have no idea how to tackle it. So this whole thing will have to stand on it’s own. Yeah, I have no clue either. Rankings forward!

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As alluded to last week when talking about father-of-the-year Adrian Peterson, I mentioned a fondness of Teddy Bridgewater for the upcoming season. Part of the fondness could be the amount of puns that could be used in his name, but that feels more like a Chris Berman wet dream than anything entertaining beyond a dad joke, but in terms of fantasy football, there’s a lot to like here.

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What’s up Razzicans! If you are still here, you are either still playing or just can’t let us go. If it’s the latter, then all I can say is watch this and don’t take it personal. I’m kidding, glad to have you. We’re doing something a little different this week to close out the 2014 fantasy season. I’m also writing this post with my pants on for once. (It’s about as awkward as that one time I wore boxers to gym class during wrestling week.) Here is the breakdown, I’m covering the NFC games and my boy Ralph is covering the AFC later today. I’m gonna gloss over the players that should be usable and play the whole game or at least have some level of relevance.

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I wonder if Peyton Manning was going against himself in fantasy football last week? Less than 5 points from Peyton during the fantasy playoffs sounds like a fantasy football player’s worst nightmare. How many teams did the prince of Papa Johns let down? And why does he wear a helmet that’s 3 sizes too small? Speaking of 5 fantasy points, that’s the total number of combined points scored by LeSean McCoy and Alfred Morris. And while we’re putting together an all-star squad of undroppable players that scored less than 5 points, let’s add Demaryius Thomas, Josh Gordon and Jimmy Graham, who combined for 8.6 points. You’re sh*tting me, right? Those six studs put up a grand total of 18.52 points!

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If you didn’t notice, or if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it’s almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child “Playoff Implications”. And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of “Major”. And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible… in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets’ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn’t comparable to reading dildo reviews…

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Without targets, there would be no receptions. Being targeted is the first, and most crucial factor, to the success of a pass catcher. If the ball isn’t thrown in your direction, you cannot succeed. I decided to take a look at how targets were being spread around among each team and then how each player was converting those targets. Below are the results and I’ve included a link to the Excel spreadsheet (Download) containing the full report. This exercise will only be “targeting” wide receivers and tight ends.

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Brian Bellows. Who the h-e-double hockey sticks is Brian Bellows? He was the first round pick (2nd overall) for the Minnesota North Stars in 1982 who went on to become the franchise’s all time leading goal scorer by putting 342 pucks in the net. And it is Neal Broten, a member of the 1980 US Olympic hockey team, that won gold in Lake Placid, who holds the record for points (796) and assists (547). But perhaps the most famous and my favorite North Star is Mike Modano, the all-time goal-scoring and points leader amongst American-born players in the NHL (sorry Dino Ciccarelli fans). In 26 seasons, the North Stars of Minnesota played 2062 regular season games and made the NHL playoffs 17 times, including 2 losing Stanley Cup appearances. In 1993 they said goodbye to Bloomington, Minnesota and its fans and moved to Dallas, Texas rebranding themselves as the Dallas Stars. Poor attendance during a string of losing seasons, an inability to reach an agreement on a new arena, and a sexual harassment suit against team owner, Norm Green, are the primary reasons given for the team’s departure. There were actually plans of moving to Los Angeles and becoming the L.A. Stars, but apparently The Walt Disney Company was already in talks with the NHL to bring the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim to the league.

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By the way, that wasn’t meant as an insult to any of you readers. I have much better insults then that for you. It’s called my writing. No, I said that in the mirror in my best Mr. T impersonation to myself as I took Dennis Pitta in my 14 team auction league way back in early July for $10 bucks. Don’t ask me why I did it in that voice, I think I was just in shock and I do believe it’s one of the stages of grief. You know, the one that comes right before running naked down the street doused in gasoline asking people to light my cigarette. At the time, it seemed smart picking up the main guy who’d benefit from Boldin’s loss in terms of targets and production. Of course, that was before he suffered a dislocated hip in a scrimmage on Saturday at the hands of James Ihedigbo whom I’m currently and desperately trying to find the address for so I can call some special ‘friends’ to take care of some ‘business’. At first reports said he would at least miss the first game of the year. Yeah, thanks reporters I coulda done that if that’s what we call reporting nowadays. And in related news, Bill Belichick was decapitated today by his own hoodie. No word yet as to whether he’ll be ready for the home opener but the Pats front office is hopeful. So I’m writing through the tears to tell you that there’ll be no soft Pitta Patta of Dennis’ feet in the flat or the end zone for Joey-lite Flacco to throw to this year. In some ways, this will put more on Torrey Smith’s plate and could lead to a bigger year but as I’ve stated before, Torrey’s not the best route runner and he’s not versatile enough to go beast mode and stand up like that. Most likely, some uninspiring options will be tried at first and it wouldn’t at all surprise me if this is an impetus for the team to go out and get a good complementary wide out to run those Boldin/Pitta-like routes. In either case, I’ve updated our Fantasy Football Rankings to no longer include our dear, sweet Dennis for the year much to my chagrin. In other fantasy news that I’ve typed while singing ‘Everything’s Gonna Be Alright’ to myself while rocking back and forth…

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