Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and with that I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you all the things for which I am NOT thankful. Considering how long this list could potentially be, I’ve decided to limit its scope to fantasy football related content. There’s only one thing I would be thankful for, and that’s a championship. Everything else is just background noise. Here’s my list.
After deciding to go with A.J. Green last week in most of my DFS lineups, he promptly left game after his team’s second offensive play ending the day with zero points.
When three of my four running backs all have the same bye week. Yes, one could easily say “poor planning”, but sometimes sh*t just happens. Right?
I guess I can just lump Adrian Peterson and Jamaal Charles in the same sentence. There are reports, however, of AP making a mid-December return. Might not hurt to stash him if you have the room. I’d probably grab Wendell Smallwood instead.
Cam Newton, Todd Gurley and DeAndre Hopkins. Can you imagine having drafted all three of these guys. You might have been on top of the world walking away from your draft. Little did you know that you had just ordered a triple sh!t sandwich and it was going to taste as bad as its name leads you to believe it will taste. Triply sh*tty!
QB: Alex Smith (20.44, 27)
RB: Tim Hightower (16.6, 51)
RB: Rob Kelley (31.7, 64)
WR: Pierre Garcon (20.6, 23)
WR: DeVante Parker (17.9, 67)
WR: Malcolm Mitchell (17.8, 1)
TE: Jared Cook (17.5, 12)
FL: James White (15.6, 52)
PK: Roberto Aguayo (14, 9)
DST: Lions (19, 17)
Alex Smith – With 261 yards, a touchdown and an interception, Smith didn’t have that great of a game. It was, however, good enough for a top ten QB finish for week 11. I’ll pass on Alexander Douglas.
Tim Hightower – I feel like it was only two weeks ago that I was telling everyone to pick up Hightower. Oh wait, that was two weeks ago when I said that. Last week he rushed for 69 yards and had 8 receptions for 57 yards. And over the last four games he has easily out touched Ingram. I hoped you listened.
Rob Kelley – Any guesses who the top scoring running back was in week 11? Obviously this is a “trick” question. Kelley rushed for 137 yards and scored 3 touchdowns. He is averaging 107 yards over the last three games. You do the math.
Pierre Garçon – First things first. What is that little thing under the “c” in Pierre’s last name? Is it a five? In his last three games he caught six passes (in each game) and is averaging 88 yard receiving. Something to think about. Peter the waiter.
DeVante Parker – After week one Parker went dark, string together mediocre performance after the next. The last two weeks he seems to have turned a corner. Last week he had 8 receptions for 79 and a score and the week before he had five for 103. This week he faces the Niners. Need I say more? With that last name I wonder if he’s ever worked as a valet.
Malcolm Mitchell – The only reason Mitchell made this list is because he caught a 56-yard touchdown pass from Tom Brady and it gave me the opportunity to mention Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady.
Jared Cook – Sure, Cook had a great game, leading all tight ends in points last week, but he hasn’t shown us anything else this season to warrant owning let alone starting him. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Translation. Jared Cook doesn’t belong on your roster.
James White – Sounds like the typical Donald Trump supporter. I don’t know what is going to happen in New England, and I live ten minutes from Gillette Stadium. With Dion Lewis back in the mix I fear that we will see White’s touches diminish. He had zero carries, but did manage 6 receptions on 6 targets. Lewis had 3 catches on 5 targets. I own them both, but it’s pretty annoying as I’m clogging up a bench spot.
Here are my picks for next week:
QB: Ryan Tannehill and Sam Bradford
RB: Dion Lewis and Chris Ivory
WR: Cole Beasley, Adam Thielen and Branden LaFell
TE: Jesse James, Jack Doyle and Will Tye
In honor of Dave Chapelle’s glorious return to civilization I’ll leave you with his best R. Kelly performance. Gobble. Gobble.
