Overall: 31-29-1, Week 5: 9-6-0.
Greetings!!! Welcome to another exciting edition of Betting With Beddict. We’re back over .500 with a 9-6 week!!! If you’d like to join Sky and I to celebrate, just meet us down in Tijuana, as we’re trying to hit every donkey show in the city. I sent Fantasy Football Hottie a first class plane ticket, but no word on if she’s joining us or not. Either way, you need to follow her on Twitter as she’s a total peach (whatever that means). My lock of the week, the Seattle Seahawks (7.5) barely covered, but hey, that’s gambling. If it wasn’t for Dallas and Chicago choking like Lisa Anne on an 18 incher, it’d been a day for the ages. I’ve been celebrating my birthday all week, so please excuse the lack of wordiness, humor and usual Tehol-ness (I’m sure you’re devastated. Especially Jay). Last week, one of my favorite commentators, Goodfold2, joined in on the fun just to see how difficult this truly is. Him and I both cordially challenge you to join in and see if you can defeat me week to week or even throughout the season. If someone dominates me for a month or even an entire season I MIGHT just hit you with a Razzball T-shirt, cuz we homies yo. Just remember, if sports betting were easy, everyone would do it. The quest for the perfect week continues so let’s get it poppin’.
I forgot to add it in, Disgrace/Delight, but I announced on Twitter that Indy was the pick over Houston at (-3) so we’re 1-0 on the week. Should we stop now and bank our money? Think again, baby nuts. Sack up and let’s make some money… or let’s at least test our minds against the almighty odd makers and pray that the Elder Gods guide us in doing so.
All Winning picks are in Bold
Lock Of The Week: Denver (-10) @ New York Jets – Maybe I’m delusional, but I’m thinking this spread should be at least 14. Anything can happen in any given week, but the Jets look absolutely putrid on offense and oh, did I mention the Jets have the worst defensive backfield in the NFL? Peyton will be shredding this defense like his boy Papa John grates cheese (lame? don’t answer that), and your boy plans on cashing in. I suggest you do the same. WITNESS!
Pittsburgh (+1) @ Cleveland – I’m not feeling many of the games this week, including this one, but I like Pittsburgh to pull it out somehow. Cleveland’s supposed star corner back, Joe Haden, will either miss the game or be severely limited going against one of the best in football in Antonio Brown. This one’s gonna be close and I’m gonna trust the bathroom stall bad boy, Ben Roethlisberger, over Brian Hoyer.
Jacksonville (+4) @ Tennessee – Clipboard Jesus is an absolute joke, so I expect the Jags to keep this one close and possibly sneak out a road victory. On the fantasy tip, this may be a week to let Justin Hunter fly, just because of Jacksonville’s tragic secondary. I’d like to also mention that I have no clue where all this Storm Johnson love is coming from. Dude had one 20-yard carry and people are freaking out about it like Kim Kardashian just shat out another baby. I prefer Todman, but we shall see whom the Elder Gods (or Gus Bradley) deem worthy of the starting spot.
Chicago (+3) @ Atlanta – Another game I don’t especially love, but how can this not end up in a wild west style shoot out? No, not that Will Smith gutter trash. I’m talkin’ an epic Clint Eastwood, kill everybody type of shoot out. Chicago has a solid chance of winning this game and if not, a back door cover is easily within the realm of possibility.
Green Bay (-3) @ Miami – The Dolphins are known for following up gems with the kind of trash that make Paul Blart: Mall Cop look like a success. You never know what you’re gonna get from Miami, and in my opinion, Green Bay is the superior team.
Detroit (+1) @ Minnesota – Matt Prater.
Carolina (+6.5) @ Cincinnati – Would have loved to get this one at 7, but it dropped after A.J. Green was ruled out. If Marvin Jones is either out again or not fully unleashed, who are the Bengals going to throw the ball to? For his sake, I’m hoping not Jermaine Gresham. He is one of the most horrific pass catching tight ends these green eyes have ever witnessed. Carolina has a solid chance at stealing this one, and I’m not sure why most of the money I’ve seen is on the Bengals. I suppose I’ve been wrong before. But hey, If Angelina Jolie can get ball blasted by that old dirtbag Billy Bob Thornton, and then end up with Brad Pitt, why can’t I recover from some poor weeks and end it with a flawless victory?
New England (-3) @ Buffalo – I’d be shocked if the Patriots don’t find a way to win this game. Buffalo is a cute story, as they always are when they’re competitive, but I have a feeling their season is going to go the way of Pauly Shore real quick. I challenge you to watch that entire video by the way.
Baltimore (-3.5) @ Tampa Bay – Another game I hate. On one hand, you have Tampa playing much, MUCH better as of late with Mike Glennon in at QB, and on the other hand you have the Ravens, who to me are an under-the-radar contender. If I were to truly bet on this game with actual money, I’d buy half a point and put my heart in Flacco’s elite (right, Jay?) hands. In this cute little game, we play I can’t do that though, so Baltimore is the pick.
San Diego (-7.5) @ Oakland – Am I missing something, or can someone tell me why Oakland is not double digit dogs to one of the 3 or 4 best teams in all of football? Did that baseball diamond finally get swept off the field, or is that dirt really Al Davis’s ashes? Anyway, I hate these 7.5 spreads, but explain to how Oakland is going to keep this one close and I’ll buy you a 12 pack of O’Douls. [Jay’s Note: I think Vegas generally keeps most intra-divisional games a bit closer on the spread, based on context. For what it’s worth, I would have been comfortable with giving 13.5]
Dallas @ Seattle (-8.5) – Dallas Doesn’t blitz and has no premier pass rushers Wilson should actually have time to throw, and we should finally witness what a normal Seahawks game plan is supposed to look like. Seattle’s run defense has been superb and we all know what’s going to happen if Murray is bottled up and the Cowboys get down a couple tubs. His name? Romo. Remember what adversary the legend of Romo began with? I’m not in love with this pick, but Seattle is 3-1 ATS, and I’d expect some explosive plays from the Seattle defense to get them there yet again.
Washington (+3.5) @ Arizona – Washington has the talent to keep this one close, and Arizona lost their best defensive player, Calais Campbell, on what is already devoid of any front seven hoggishness. Look for Washington to steal this game.
New York Giants (+3) @ Philadelphia – The Giants have been playing extremely well and the Eagles, in my opinion, have been playing poorly. Sometimes it’s that simple.
San Francisco (-3.5) @ St. Louis – Again, I’d buy this to 3 to ensure myself of the victory but 3.5 should be solid. This is close to lock of the week territory.
Thanks for joining me for another edition of Betting With Beddict. Please feel free to comment either on gambling or fantasy in the comment section as it’s easier for me to check this one than the Disgrace/Delight post. Again, I’d love for you to join in and make picks, even if it’s just for fun. Challenge yourself and unlock the key to life’s greatest treasure… whatever the f*ck that means. I realize I’m not going crazy in depth on reasoning for these games, but trust me, I think them all out during the week. I’m on a word count so if you want to talk football, schemes and players just hit me in the comment section or on Twitter at @Tehol143, cuz I can talk football all day, yo.