My buzz is crazy in the hood, they holler my name. If it ain’t about the writing, it’s about the stones and the wang. Greetings! Tis I, your beloved Tehol Beddict, returning yet again to give you a rundown on this past week’s targets and touches that stood out in this mind of mine that’s been referred to as beautiful, a la John Nash. I haven’t yet received my Nobel Prize but one day, with your continued support and recognition, that day will surely come. I know what you’re thinking; ” In comparing Antonio Brown to Liberace, Beddict is saying Brown went balls deep into a plethora of young men who are employed by the Chicago Bears.” Come on now people. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m simply referring to the flash and pizazz Brown displayed in making one incredible play after another against the highly rated Bears secondary. What Brown does off the field is none of my business. Brown exploded with 9 receptions for 196 yards and 2 TD’s on 13 targets. Now, we’ve all been waiting for Brown to explode like a lactose intolerant Rosie O’Donnell after a 31 flavors binge, and he rewarded his owners in an extreme manner. Brown is far and away the superior wideout on Pittsburgh and I expect him to average around 100 yards receiving for the remainder of the season. If you want to disagree with me, go ahead. Just be aware that I may go Liberace on you and I’m not talking speaking of flash and pizazz if you catch my drift. Here’s what else caught my lovely eyes this past weekend. Take Heed!
Josh Gordon – 10 receptions for 146 yards and 1 TD on 19 targets. How could Browns management even consider trading this stallion? What’s next? Trading 2nd year man, 39 year old Brandon Weeden? I’m kidding of course. No team in their right mind would give up so much as a 7th round pick for Weeden at this point. The point is, Gordon is an absolute hog and if you need a translation, that means he’s a really good receiver. I expect double digit targets on a weekly basis with numerous big plays mixed in. Kudos to you if you drafted him. Kudos to me for drafting him. Shizz, kudos to everyone, for I love you all!
Sidney Rice – 5 receptions for 79 yards and 2 TD’s on 7 targets. During my appearance with my ace, The Guru, on Sports Junkies radio, I predicted Sidney would get 1 or 2 tubs this week. Can I see into the future? Some would say it is so. Sid da Kid is a solid WR3 this week as well. Seahawks nation!
Chris Givens – 2 receptions for 54 yards on 8 targets. Brian Schottenheimer has screwed up more young men than an east coast Catholic Priest. The Rams possess numerous explosive weapons yet can’t seem to game plan to their strengths. Considering the fact they have absolutely no running game to speak of, I find this hard to believe. Sam Bradford, much like Khloe Kardashian, looks absolutely dreadful. Tavon Austin looks small and overmatched. Hiring Schottenheimer was the absolute worst thing Saint Louis could have done for fantasy football and in real life. Considering all the off-season hype, I would consider the Rams the biggest disappointment in football. Truly a disgrace.
DeMarco Murray – 26 carries for 175 yards and 1 TD and 3 receptions for 28 yards on 3 targets. Murray goes 50 Cent and “Ja Rules” the Rams each time they face one another and this past Sunday was no different. This is the type of performance that keeps me believing in the young Oklahoma product and the Cowboys look unstoppable when Murray is toting the rock in this fashion. Feed the beast!
Miles Austin – 2 receptions for 22 yards on 5 targets. What’s that you say? Another hamstring injury for the man formerly known as “Sir Miles”? Either this former legend has suffered severe damage to his hammy’s or he needs to start stretching. It seems implausible that a professional athlete could continually sustain the same injury over and over again. It absolutely disgusts me for this man holds a special piece of my heart based on past exploits. It’s been fun Miles. Goodnight sweet Prince.
Donnie Avery – 7 receptions for 141 yards on 7 targets. Will Avery ever have this type of performance again this season you ask? Absolutely not.
Dwayne Bowe – 1 reception for 4 yards on 3 targets. It’s tough to get big plays in the passing game when everything is either an arrow route to the running back or a rollout to the right for a 4 yard pass. Bowe’s talents are going to waste like my favorite rapper, Lloyd Banks, and unfortunately so is your fantasy season if you drafted him. See if you can trade him.
Willis MaGahee – 8 carries for 9 yards and 0 catches on 0 targets. Who needs T-Rich when you have this former Hurricane legend?
Vincent Brown – 2 receptions for 11 yards on 3 targets. I fully expected Brown to breakout as the Chargers number one wideout but he seems incapable of of getting open and he now resides in fully droppable territory. Thought I had a steal there, but even one with a beautiful mind is wrong from time to time. Woe is me!
Greg Jennings – 3 receptions for 43 yards on 6 targets. At least he got paid, right? Jennings’s production has fallen off harder than J-Lo’s acting career as it’s hard to even recommend starting him as a WR3 at this point. At least J-Lo still has THIS. Another former stud receiver bites the dust. It’s a new generation.
David Wilson – 11 carries for 39 yards. The struggle continues as Wilson, yet again let down fantasy owners in an extensive way. Yes, “experts” will point out the fact he had a nice 17 yard td run called back by a holding call but that means nothing to me. The O-line is in shambles and Coughlin is more washed up than Carrot Top. You have to hold at this point, hoping he explodes one of these days when the schedule softens. Biggest disappointment in fantasy this year, no question.
Tedd Ginn – 3 receptions for 71 yards and 1 TD on 4 targets and 1 carry for 11 yards. Ginn is quickly peaking my interest, especially in kick return yardage leagues. The lack of wideout talent in Carolina means Ginn will be on the field a fair amount and Newton seems to like him a great deal. A sneaky play going forward if you ask me. Oh, you didn’t ask me? FU.
Torrey Smith – 5 receptions for 92 yards on 9 targets. My main Torrey is on pace for over 1,300 yards just as I predicted……Unfortunately he’s also on pace for ZERO touchdowns and that makes me sad. Input frowney face here. PLEASE TORREY, PLEASE!!!! At this rate Capozzi will sleep with an actual woman before Smith takes one to the house and that’s downright pathetic.
Roddy White – 2 receptions for 16 yards on 4 targets. Now Roddy, I know we are like BFF’s and all ever since I interviewed you for that DirecTV promotion, so it pains me to say this, but wouldn’t you be more help to your team by taking some time off to heal that ankle, instead of making it worse and being a “decoy”? It’s not possible to be a “decoy” when one can be covered by the oppositions 5th defensive back one on one. Give it a rest bud.
Johnathan Franklin – 13 carries for 103 yards and 1 TD and 3 receptions for 23 yards. So what if he cost his team the game? The numbers still look great and the Pack now have 2 nice rookie running backs to deploy going forward. Will he ever do this again this year? The answer is most likely no, but I just wanted to show this to those of you who started James Starks. It huuuuuuurts.
Giovani Bernard – 10 caries for 50 yards and 1 TD and 4 receptions for 49 yards on 4 targets. Looks like we have a possible star here folks. Young Giovani reminds me greatly of Darren Sproles, only more durable. Law-Firm looks about finished and Bernard will reap all the benefits like Jon Lovitz’s character in The Wedding Singer. A must start every week.
Nate Washington – 8 receptions for 131 yards on 10 targets. Finally, Jake Locker has a decent performance and “Nasty Nate” Washington was the main beneficiary last Sunday. I would only start if desperate as there will likely be some 30 and 40 yard performances but he remains Tennessee’s most trusted wideout. That’s like saying Kristen Stewart is the most gifted actor in the Twilight movies. Yippee!
Rashard Mendenhall – 9 carries for 29 yards and 1 reception for 12 yards on 1 target. Maybe Pittsburgh actually made one smart move this past offseason. I’m gonna let you guess what that was.
DeAngelo Williams – 23 carries for 120 yards and 0 catches on 0 targets. That boy D’Angelo, he determined not to fail, that boy went butt-ass for his record to sell. Williams looks extremely solid at this point but if and when Stewart comes back, his value will decrease accordingly. It’s a shame for Williams could have had a monster season. Yards-wise anyway, as he’s obviously developed an allergy to the end zone. I’d recommend claritin, but it might make him drowsy.
Bilal Powell – 27 carries for 149 yards and 2 receptions for 9 yards on 3 targets. Was I crazy to believe Ivory was going to blow up in this offense? I guess I failed to realize that Powell runs through more men than Pamela Anderson. Shame on me. Lucky for you if you got him late, especially with Ivory’s recent injury. Start him.
Fred Jackson – 7 carries for 72 yards and 4 receptions for 37 yards on 5 targets. Spiller goes down and I lose in the Razzball writers league by 1 point? Maybe I shouldn’t have started Pittsburgh’s defense. OUCH! Tell me how Spiller was too hurt to return but is supposedly rearing to go this week? Pop tarts like that make me sick to my stomach.The guy is softer than Roseanne’s son. Fred Jackson continues to shine in backup duty and has weaseled his way back into a possible time-share. WONDERFUL. If you’re desperate, Jackson is a decent flex play going forward.
That’s all this week razzball riders. Please feel free to follow me on twitter at @TeholBeddict47 for my thoughts on male thongs, ObamaCare, and of course all things fantasy sports. As per usual your questions and comments will be responded to with the utmost quickness as your happiness is my greatest concern other than that of my beloved chicken. Until next week. Fight on!