Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.

Read some of Jay's 685 posts

Geno Smith, First Victim of Steve Smith’s Farewell Tour

by: Jay

Well, Steve Smith wasn’t actually there to throw the punch, but I’d like to think that in loving memory of Smith’s brilliant and punch-happy career, reserve linebacker IK Enemkpali (which, coincidentally, is the name of a Somali pirate ~~ship~~ ~~boat~~ dinghy…) sucker-punched Geno Smith, breaking his jaw and sending to the sideline for six-to-ten weeks.

“It was nothing to do with football. … It was very childish,” coach Todd Bowles said. “He got cold-cocked … sucker punched, whatever you want to call it, in the jaw. He’s got a broken jaw, a fractured jaw.”

The Somali ~~ship~~ ~~boat~~ dinghy was a sixth-round pick back in 2014, and was immediately released by the Jets. I don’t know about you guys, but a successful career in the NFL is usual predicated with not knocking out your own quarterback for more than half the season. I’d have to think this is the last time we hear the name IK Enemkpali. Unless the Patriots sign him as a reclamation project, only to see Tom Brady sucker-punched. Then his name would be: Hero.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Rankings, Updated

by: Jay

As happens regularly during the preseason, a player’s value can change dramatically. Unless you’re Mark Sanchez. Then your value remains always the same. But for all the other fantasy football players that will presumably be drafted, it’s inevitable that sh*t happens. Pretty much a good motto to live life by if you ask me. So as things like Arian Foster and groin muscles happen, so does the landscape change. Yes, the rankings are not static, and I do make minor edits every other day or so, but when a potential top-10 running back goes down for the foreseeable future, I do make broader changes. This will happen at least once a week (updated rankings, not Arian Foster throwing his groin muscle away. Actually, this might happen weekly too now that I think about it…) where I’ll be updating the rankings every Sunday night for your Monday morning consumption. Don’t worry, this isn’t to make you dizzy, like moving Donald Brown up 45 spots. (I mean, unless there’s some reason for him to get moved up. Like the apocalypse.) These changes will be based on reports coming out of training camps, especially when it comes to health and the player’s roles, basically anything that I feel shifts a player’s value. As an example, you will notice after the jump that Le’Veon Bell has already moved up to the number two spot in the running back rankings now that his suspension is confirmed at two games, and, of course, Arian Foster and Tom Brady have lowered due to their current issues. Be sure to stay up to date, and we’ll help you with your draft no matter if it’s in a few days or a few weeks.

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A Handy Chart (Not for Navigating the Ocean)

August 7, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Tools | 14 Comments

by: Jay

Soooo, yeah, I got bored. What can I say? Even with such an illustrious life of binge drinking and hanging out with your mom, there are empty spaces to fill. And I give you something that came out of one of those spaces. The thought process here is, (and be careful, you’ll be entering my thoughts, so duck if you see heavy amounts of boobage, or, you know, do your best motorboat impersonation):

“Well, you know what I would really like? Besides a fudgesicle? Actually, that’s all I’d really like. Wait, then I can’t explain my chart. Well… okay, but this is the last favor I’m doing for you. (What, this is how my brain works… kinda makes you wonder why you are even here, right?) So… what I’d like right now, besides fudge in my mouth, is a sort of reference thingamajig and tells me where all my picks will land if I’m picking, let’s say, 5th in a 12-team draft. Where are the rest of my picks? WHERE I ASK YOU! Look at all this internal strife. FUUUUDGE.”

So, you see all that? I needed something to tell me where my picks are, because I react to math like I do canned asparagus. This is a bad thing for all you canned asparagus lovers out there. All three of you. So, here’s a nifty chart-thang that won’t necessarily help you navigate international waters, but might come in handy during your drafts…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Podcast: IDP Rankings

August 6, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Podcast, Fantasy Football Podcast | 6 Comments

by: Jay

After a week off, Tehol and I are back, and we’re bringing our IDP guru with us. Kevin stops by to hang out the entire Pod and talk, you guessed it! IDP stuff. Mainly his rankings, but we delve a bit into the strategy of the format as well. Along with that, we go over the recent injury status of Arian Foster, Tom Brady’s suspension being upheld, and how Jay Cutler is faring with his new offensive coordinator, Adam Gase. As an added bonus, I create the word “flatuate” when I think I meant “fellatiate”. So there’s that, I guess. Regardless, enjoy the show!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Fantasy Football Team Name Generator

August 4, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football | 11 Comments

by: Jay

We are approaching the beginning of the Fantasy Football season. SURPRISE! There are Fantasy Football Rankings everywhere, the Draft Strategy series has begun, we’re going over the sleepers, the overrated, the underrated, and everything is falling into place except for one big thing (that’s what she said). That’s right, your potential team name remains the one true mystery that must be solved. Be the Sherlock of your league. Don’t be the Dr. Watson. I mean, do be a doctor if you can, that seems like an admirable profession that pays well. More like… don’t be the Watson part. Actually, being Watson isn’t that bad either, since you get to star in a plethora of Hobbit movies with a guy who wears spandex and ping pong balls as a living. So, actually, you can be both those guys AND have an amazing team name. That’s what I’m trying to say. I think. Anyhow, allow me to introduce the Razzball Fantasy Football Team Name Generator.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Do’s and Don’ts of Drafting

August 3, 2015 | 2015 Draft Strategy, 2015 Fantasy Football | 15 Comments

by: Jay

Welcome back for another strategy session, where you and I sit down, group our intellect together, and prepare to discuss fantasy football ad nauseum… and then promptly get distracted by RedTube. So pretty much every other Monday. (Well, for me, at least.) We already have a Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football, for those of you who had no idea fantasy football existed… I’m sure there are dozens of you. DOZENS! But now that we have the “101” stuff out of the way, we arrive at the “do’s and don’ts” of a draft. As what should be pretty self explanatory, there are things that you should do and things that you should not do. Crazy stuff, I know. Granted, these are based on my own experiences within the fantasy football landscape, so take them for what you will. Which frankly, should be lots. Because it’s free. Free stuff is always good. Unless it’s crayfish in your pants. That’s something that’s free, mysterious, titillating, and scary all at the same time. Much like my lovemaking.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Fantasy Football Draft Kit

July 31, 2015 | 2015 Draft Strategy, 2015 Fantasy Football | 4 Comments

by: Jay

Well, if you hadn’t noticed, (which is most likely the case), we have our very own Fantasy Football Draft Kit! Yay us! (And you!) While calling it a “kit” makes it sound like some kind of Inspector Gadget wonder-tool, or, I don’t know, a Trans Am that has an artificial intelligence with an oh-so-soothing voice that blows sh*t up, because: 80’s television yo… well, it’s much more than that. It’s your one-stop destination for everything drafty (is that a word?) that originates from Razzball. You’ll find our Fantasy Football Rankings here, and in the not too distant future, you’ll see our auction values and projected stats. On top of that (oh yes, there’s more, and it goes on top), it’ll be updated daily as we produce content on the overrated players, underrated players, and sleepers all the way up to the start of the season. Because sometimes, everyone gets sleepy. There will also be ongoing team previews and comparisons between our rankings and those of our peers. And while I can’t promise our Draft Kit will have Skynet like abilities in wiping out your competition AND the entire human race with robots that have an Austrian accent… we do promise to try to keep you entertained and informed. Because that’s what we do. Word.

So allow me to introduce the Razzball 2015 Fantasy Football Draft Kit…

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Welcome to Fantasy Football, Noobs

July 30, 2015 | 2015 Draft Strategy, 2015 Fantasy Football | 15 Comments

by: Jay

What this picture presupposes is, maybe it should be?

Welcome to what could be called the first installment of our 2015 Draft Strategy. This journey will help prepare you for Draft day, and will likely also be filled with an assortment of snacks ranging from TWIX® candy bars and FUNYUNS®, basically what I like to call breakfast. And don’t tell me why they’re written all in caps. That’s their official “name”, so I can only assume that we are meant to shout it out every time, which, now that I think of it, seems totally natural. Q: “What are you hungry for?” A: “TWIX MOTHER F*CKER!” See what I mean? Regardless, this opening salvo of strategic knowledge (everything sounds better when weaponized) is focused for those of you who have no idea what fantasy football is or what it does. A Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football, if you will. And listen, don’t be afraid of being the noob, that’s not a derogatory title for me. It can be derogatory, but for those who do use it as a negative descriptor, just remember, they were noobs once too. We all have to start somewhere, and yes, that means you. Which is probably your mom’s basement. And if that’s the case, you’ve completed half the journey, some would say.

So, you want to play fantasy football? Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Rankings: Top 200 Overall (Half-PPR)

July 29, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Fantasy Football Rankings | 7 Comments

by: Jay

Jay’s 2015 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Rookies |

Kevin’s 2015 IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

And thus, we now close down the rankings portion of the preseason. (But don’t worried, the rankings will be updated every week until the beginning of the season.) It’s been a long and enduring process, but one that didn’t involve any Ryan Mathews drama, so I proclaim this a resounding success. Unfortunately, the format in which we’re used to consuming these rankings as pretty little embeded tables from FantasyPros isn’t available to us, as they don’t provide the tools to publish our Half-PPR Rankings to any site. We also don’t have the Back to the Future hoverboards, so I’m willing to overlook this technological oversight. But just as long as we are consuming, can we at least try to make an edible version of these rankings? With bacon? Bacon rankings bro, think about it… Anyhow, it’s a shame we don’t get the pretty presentation here, as I prefer the Half-PPR format the most. I just feel the format balances the best of two worlds, much like your mom’s shirt. Wow. That was next level right there. Let’s just wrap this up and go to the rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Rankings: Top 200 Overall (PPR)

July 28, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Fantasy Football Rankings | 18 Comments

by: Jay

Jay’s 2015 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Rookies |

Kevin’s 2015 IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

As stated in the Standard Top-200 Overall Rankings, this is not a mock draft, nor are theses rankings based on 2014 stats. This is a list of guys I like. Maybe I have a crush on them, and to be honest, I wouldn’t mind going on a date with them. Because what’s this life for if people aren’t buying you dinner? Trust me, it’s worth nothing. And yes, there will be things you like about the things I like. There will be things you dislike about the things I like. And there will me saying ‘things’ too much. In retrospect, the word ‘like’ shows up a bit too much as well. And there will déjà vu from the Standard Top-200 lede, because of the modern wonder known as copy and paste, but hey, you can’t win them all. But you can win some. And you might lose some. No clue where I’m going at this point. ALL THE DIGRESSION. So yeah…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2015 Rankings: Running Backs (PPR)

July 24, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Fantasy Football Rankings | 23 Comments

by: Jay

Jay’s 2015 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Rookies |

Kevin’s 2015 IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

One could argue that no other position is affected most by PPR than the running back position. My response would be, why are we arguing bro? I agree with you! While wide receiver and tight end rankings are obviously affected by receptions, running backs are still the cream of the crop when it comes to the fantasy draft. And the PPR curveball (baseball metaphor in a football post? Dangerous AND exciting… like my love-making) certainly sends massive tidal waves that would surely kill some dinosaurs. But only if said tidal wave was caused by an asteroid hitting Earth. And if the tidal wave was actually a tsunami. And if it was 230 million years ago. But that’s besides the point, but not really, because President Reagan cut taxes like a velociraptor, so we know they existed recently. Science! But yeah. What were we talking about again?

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Podcast: Running Back and Wide Receiver Rankings

July 23, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Podcast, Fantasy Football Podcast | 4 Comments

by: Jay

Tehol finally came back from his vacation in ~~Cleveland~~ Canada, and was ready to pick apart my rankings. Along with discussing all the running backs and receivers and their rankings, Tehol and I also touched on the situation in Minnesota and pondered about Victor Cruz and last season’s injury. There was also five minutes where we talked about Donald Brown that I’d like back. And as is usual, we went over the latest episode of True Detective (1:22:00), which is really starting to blow up. In a good way. Things can blow up in good ways… Not really, but you get what I’m saying. At the very least, I think we all agree with Ani. (Sorta NSFW… maybe. It’s on the boarders.) As a bonus, we also talk a little bit about the new Suicide Squad and Dawn of Justice trailers. Enjoy!

Please, blog, may I have some more?