2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QBRB | RB (PPR)WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST |

Well, this is it folks. We are nearing the end of what was a glorious and scrumptious set of weeks going over the bulk of our fantasy rankings. Coincidentally, glorious and scrumptious is how I’m described at most dinner parties. With a hint of lilac and ginger. So I’m basically a hot tea. Hot tea. Hottie. HUUUUUUR. Anyways, you should give me a dollar for these set of rankings. Why? So I can give you some quarters back…? I’m simply on fire here. No, I’m serious. It’s the District and we’re in the unbearable humid stage of summer. So I literally need to stick a fire extinguisher between my thighs to prevent chaffed rashes and combustion. It’s like the forest from Fern Gully down there.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Every fantasy owner wants to show their draft prowess in front of all their buddies. What’s the best way to show your stuff? Drafting rookies that wind up killing it their first year of the NFL. The best example over the last few years is probably Cam Newton.  Not very often does a Cam Newton come out of college and and put up the kind of numbers that he did his rookie year. Will Teddy Bridgewater or Derek Carr be this year’s Cam Newton? Let’s take a look.

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It was an odd year for a position that was so high scoring, truth be told. Health played a huge factor in how guys ended the season, rankings-wise, both their own health and the players who they were throwing to. Like my Physics teacher once told me ‘it all matters’! Or was it ‘it’s all matter’…I got a ‘D’, ok. Not like it would’ve helped me writing for a Fantasy Football site, of course. Why strive to be the best at everything when you can be at least average at one thing, that’s what I always say. In 1QB leagues, you could’ve cobbled together a string of guys and put up top 10 numbers but let’s not kid ourselves: it ain’t that easy, hindsight is always 20/20 and we all know how nice it is to plug a QB into your starting lineup week 1 and forget about it until their bye week. It’s a good feeling that few got to experience this year and for those who did, I hope you enjoyed it…you dirty bastards. But enough of bashing my readership, here goes. Let’s take a look back at the top 20 quarterbacks from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Razzball Nation!  I’m filling in for Sky this morning in the football recap, as Sky was called by Al Davis for a possible CB job opening.  That would be scary for multiple reasons!  Man Oakland was brutal.  Long live the Chiefs offense!  Jamaal Charles had a historic game (6th highest fantasy output in non-PPR since 1960), making the Raiders D look worse than some of those Raiders costumes.  The real Rocky Horror Picture Show was the pass D, as JC Superstar enlightened fantasy owners with 8 catches (on 8 targets) for 195 yards and 4 TDs.  Plus an extra 20 on the ground with a score there.  Straight video game numbers!  “RB screen, X, X, X!”  Actually that sounds like a porn title.  I’ll have to ask Tehol about that one.  Charles has been effing fantastic this year, and I think easily the fantasy MVP.  Sure you could argue Peyton Manning, but if you have JC and you’re somehow not waltzing through the playoffs than you only have yourself to blame!  Is he fantasy’s #1 pick next year?  I don’t see how you could resist.  If someone really wanted Adrian Peterson, I’d turn to them after that pick ala the 1,000-year old dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and go “he chose poorly…”  While some teams had their dreams melt away, others are marching into the finals with the rest of the week 15 happenings…

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I hate you Chris Ogbonnaya!  Hate you so much.  Chris O-Bones was a hot pickup as a cheap RB for the PPR upside, but nooooooo…. Luckily with daily leagues, you can wipe the slate, officially never pick a guy again, and move on from your former tribulations.

We’re quickly approaching only a few weeks left until the WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE, and I’m still eagerly trying to get my ticket on the cheap – so I’m rockin’ out in the $2 Fantasy Millionaire qualifier for Sunday’s games.  After feeling extremely confident last week and losing in a few other contests, I’m only sticking to the one lineup this time.  O-Bones be damned!  And if you’re jones-ing for DraftKings while watching on Turkey Day, there’s all sorts of contests just for the Thursday games to hop into.  So DraftKings it up and enjoy the Holiday!

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Football is a funny sport, especially for a team that rarely gets to be in the spotlight. The last time I remember seeing Cam Newton under the watchful eye of prime time, it was Thursday Night Football, week 3 and it was the 2012 season. Heading into the game, the Panthers were 1-1 and were fresh off a win over a division rival – the New Orleans Saints – and were riding high. It was Cam’s second season in the league and people were expecting great things from the young man. And then September 20th happened and the good times left the building. Cam and company left their home turf after a humiliating loss at the hands of the Giants. After a 36-7 loss, a lot of people – both fantasy enthusiasts and real – began to question Supermans superpowers. Was the guy that looked like he was pouting on the sidelines under his towel really a leader? Was the guy who just threw 3 interceptions really the person that was gonna bring Carolina back to prominence? And so on and so forth and the rest of the season played out and people forgave but never forgot the towel-covered Cam. He was a childish athlete who’d never learn how to play within the game, they said. An egotistical prat who lacked the ability to guide a team to victory, they chattered. And for most of 2012, the people were right. But some light must’ve popped on at the end of 2012 as they went on to win 5 of their last 6. Sure, the Panthers finished 7-9 but there were flashes of the team we saw on Monday last year. We were just too blinded by Cam hatred to see. And of that Cam hatred? Well, to help his team go to 8-3 on the 2013 season, Newton finished with 209 passing yards and 3 passing TDs while leading his team in rushing on the night with 62. Yeah, but you ain’t talking fantasy, Sky, this is all about real football. No one cares. Well you SHOULD care, imaginary reader. This team is fighting for the playoffs. It has motivation and incentive down the stretch to actually win their division and a supercharged Cam can be a Superman Cam at any moment and tonight he definitely was that. Cam looked better than he has in a while in the passing game. I don’t know if it was his receivers stepping up or him playing at another level – I’ll defer towards the former but that’s cuz Cam’s been pretty damn good all year, y’all – but there’s reason for JB to be pointing at the back of that jersey tonight. Cam is legit. Panthers are legit. And now I have to write about other guys and I’m completely spent. In other news from week 11 MNF for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Aaron Rodgers’ collarbone injury impacts everyone in fantasy football. Rodgers is one of the most consistent and healthiest quarterbacks in the league. He’s going to be out up to six weeks with a fractured collarbone.

At least that’s an injury fantasy owners can cope with. It’s serious enough to miss a few games but not enough to put him on the shelf for the season. The other nice thing about it is that Rodgers should be healthy when it comes to fantasy playoff time. So should Randall Cobb.

This kind of an injury (even in the non-throwing shoulder) is one that the Packers will have to be careful on how to treat him and let him heal. Rodgers probably won’t even run for the next three weeks because you want the rehab of this to not be bumpy and jarring. He’s going to spend a lot of time on the bike to keep in shape while he waits for his collarbone to heal up. Even something like a speed bump, if taken too fast, will send waves of pain into his collarbone. It’s going to take time and a lot of softness to get Rodgers healed.

That said, the Packers are accepting donations of bubble wrap to protect their quarterback in for the next four to six weeks.

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As Nick and I discussed on this week’s Podcast, we’re jones-ing for a ticket into the huge Million Dollar Week 17 Finale DraftKings is hosting, where hopefully one of us can be crowned a millionaire.  You’d think entry into a contest where you can win a million bucks would be expensive.  You’d think you’d have to wear an expensive suede bathrobe and eat caviar whilst setting up your DraftKings lineup.  But no!  There’s all sorts of satellites you can enter, like the one Nick and I will be playing this Sunday that’s only $2 measly bucks!  The winner of the $2 Qualifier gets an automatic entry into the Millionaire Grand Finale, a whopping $1,500 value!  So I am pumped for this week at DraftKings and hoping to hippity-skippity like Charlie Bucket and get that Golden Ticket.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re heading into the second half of the season, but that means there’s still 8 more weeks to keep your DraftKings acumen razor sharp, or play your way through satellites, or just start crunching week 17 numbers for the HUGE WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE GRAND FINALE DraftKings is throwing to end the regular season. I’m trying my hardest to win my way up, but guys keep getting hurt on my squad!  Good thing my DraftKings triage heals every week, and why playing in daily leagues erases the injury pessimism into brand new healthy optimism.  Start anew every week!

I’ll be playing in another $1-$2 contest and hopefully winning a big hunk of change to enter into some Millionaire satellites.  I still haven’t won anything big, except all my pride after beating Nick every week!  I think Nick is done…

Please, blog, may I have some more?