dysentery

To be honest, I’m not really sure what to do with myself right now. As I’m writing today’s recap (which will be yesterday’s recap when you read this), I find myself essentially writing my first ever obituary. It’s certainly not a fun feeling writing about gruesome, year-threatening, maybe even career-threatening injuries, but seeing as this all came on a day where we saw the Cleveland Browns finally have an opportunity to understand what this “happiness” emotion is that they’ve heard so much about, but have never experienced, and that the Bills are officially on pace to go 16-0, we can try to find some sort of silver lining here. Or just realize that the world is about to come to an end. Also, LOL Jets.

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The first week of the NFL season reminded us of how volatile this league can be. We saw rookie Allen Hurns of the Jacksonville Jaguars score touchdowns on his first two receptions. Then we saw the Jaguars blow a 17-0 lead and lose 34-17 to Philadelphia. Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens went from being suspended for a few more days, to being suspended indefinitely by the league in a 48-hour span shaking things up. Injuries played a big part as well, with tight ends Jordan Cameron and Jordan Reed suffering injuries and sending rosters into flux. He can be dropped in redraft leagues but hang on to him in dynasty leagues. Thankfully, we’ll help you make sense of it all on the waiver wire this week. We’ll break it down by position and ownership on ESPN, NFL and Yahoo Leagues to help you out.

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 uk2ZYmu

An artist’s depiction of yesterday’s Cowboys game.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the first every Sunday of football should always have the Dallas Cowboys doing whatever that was they did yesterday afternoon. In fact, let’s start a petition to have them on Monday AND Thursday night as well. I mean, can we even say that the Cowboys actually did anything in training camp? This looks like the exact same team from last year, and I’ve already started decorating my house for the holidays seeing as how the Cowboys are already in mid-December form. True, as the sharp and always entertaining (in gouging your own eyes out sort of way) commentating duo of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman informed us, if not for all the turnovers, this would have been a close game. I’ve never seen something so beautifully and succinctly useless at the same time. If it weren’t for the Normandy landing and the eastern invasion of Russia, Germany had a pretty good World War II. And while the game was technically close without including large portions of events that happened during the game, I was left with this one burning question– What is it called when you throw to a receiver that had 12 people covering him?

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nfl_r_ron-rivera_mb_600

With only two games in the late portion of today’s schedule (WHY ONLY TWO NFL?), we get to focus on the one of the bigger news stories going on right now, and that’s Cam Newton sitting in week one.

“Ron Rivera’s comments throughout the week indicated Newton might very well not play this week as the Panthers take the “long-haul approach” to their franchise quarterback. If Newton is out, Derek Anderson will get the nod. The Panthers are probably confident Anderson can do everything they need for offensive purposes, but it’s obviously a significant drop-off from what Newton brings to the table.”

Hahaha, “probably” confident.

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JEST-Sign

They probably root for the Mest as well. Just a wild guess.

The season is now in full swing, with the first Sunday of football for 2014 season bringing us a fantastic slate of games. Do you want action? Do you want drama? Do you want romance? I WANT ALL OF THESE THINGS. Well, then I present to you the Raiders versus the Jets. Haha, just kidding… but this is week one… I wouldn’t have really minded that being the premier match-up, for at least a few minutes. Honestly, what can you say about Jets that would excite anyone? And what can you say about that Raiders that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? Nada, to use a parlance of our times.

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It’s Sunday, and the clock is about to strike 1:00 pm.  Anticipation is building, and you finally cave, as you remove Stevan Ridley from your FLEX and replace him with Joique Bell.  After all, Ridley has been in the doghouse with Coach Belichick and Bell has a great matchup vs. the Eagles.  We’ve all be there before — at the last minute you completely reverse course from the original starting lineup you had all week long.  Sometimes it pans out, but sometimes you’re left kicking yourself — like when Bell cedes carries to a red-hot Reggie Bush and Ridley sneaks in for a couple of one-yard touchdown dives.

This column is here to help you make those decisions easier.  Each Saturday throughout the NFL season, I will be providing you with a list of some players you should start, as well as some that should take a seat at the end of your bench.  I won’t be telling you to start LeSean McCoy, ‘cuz if you’d ever consider sitting him, well, you’ve got way more things to worry about than fantasy football (like getting your head checked).  Instead, I’ll focus more on the fringe players or the sneaky second- or third-tier guys who aren’t automatic starts or sits each week.

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What’s a battle flex? Why a battle flex? Obviously, this battle is when we get two guys going head-to-head in a battle to decide which one to play. Like DJ’s in a club, or MC’s on a stage, we are going head-to-head in our flex this year. Should I play this guy or that guy? Or what about this running back or that wide receiver?  This series, though, is going to be a reflection of you readers who also have some kind of battle flex going on in your roster, a sounding board if you will. Whenever I get a question, it is usually trying to decide between player A or player B. So in the spirit of indecision and frustrating insecurity, I bring you the Battle Flex. Each week I’ll do my best to highlight a few battles to represent different sized leagues. I’m also relying on you guys and girls to help me shape this and make this about what you want to see. Got it? Good! Let’s move on…

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Week One of the NFL season is finally here!  Months and months of drafting and prepping your fantasy football teams has reached it’s end.  Invite your friends over, get some charcoal for the grill, and stock your fridge full of your tastiest beverages, ‘cuz it’s gonna be a helluva ride the rest of the way.

As always, I will bring you my “Ambulance Chasers” articles each and every Wednesday during the entirety of the football season.  So, while you’re sipping on a cold one, let’s go over some fantasy football players that may or may not be “on ice” this week, starting with New England Patriots’ tight end Rob Gronkowski. [Jay's Note: Because of course.]

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As we open the season, all of our NFL teams have the same goal— to play in Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, Arizona on February 1. Our fantasy teams have the same goal— to play in our respective league’s Super Bowl whatever week (usually 16) that it falls on. For some of you, getting there will be difficult if not impossible. Others will find the road to be easy, and cruise through the season. For me, I fall in the latter when it comes to getting to the Super Bowl. That’s mainly because I live about 40 minutes north of University of Phoenix Stadium. Getting to the Super Bowl is easy for me, even if traffic sucks.

That’s what I’m here for. To help you navigate the journey from your starting point to your league’s Super Bowl. We’ll help you avoid the roadblocks of poor play, the detours of bye weeks, and the potholes of injuries. That said, let’s turn the key on the season and start giving some recommendations for players who can be picked up now to help you out in the long term.

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Sam-Bradford-St.-Louis-Rams

As you may have noticed, there hasn’t been too much pre-season news to take note of this year. I can’t say if it was different last year, mostly because of alcohol. But so far, we’ve had the Andre Brown epic releasing party, which I struggled to even notice. From what I’ve heard, all seven Houston Texan fans didn’t care anyways. There’s also Kansas City, who is trying the unique strategy of possibly going into the season with no secondary at all. We talked a bit about Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, who were going to drive without a DUI, but then they got high. And I know why. Yeah. Yeah. Because they got high… Oh, and don’t forget, we are still on Josh Gordon WATCH!– 2014, in which news should be breaking any second now for the past two weeks. Good thing I’ve started an IV of coffee. Don’t worry, it’s hazelnut flavor. However, if there’s one thing we can be promised during the pre-season (the Kansas City secondary being prime example number one), it’s that injuries happen. And it appears Sam Bradford led the charge this past weekend…

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