Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.

Read some of Jay's 685 posts

The Hunt For Red September

September 8, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 News & Notes | 64 Comments

by: Jay

Welcome, everyone, to the first chapter of the story in which the Patriots win yet another Super Bowl.

Wait, what’s that?

They lost the opener? To Andy Reid? And Alex Smith? (Laughs for nine hours. Stops to breathe. Laughs another nine hours. Another inhale. Sleeps for six hours. Rinse and repeat.) So yeah, football’s back guys. And with it came the usual hour-and-a-half pregame show that generally felt like 127 hours while also at the same time watching the ending of 127 Hours for 127 hours straight. (If I ctrl-effed “hours” right now, my monitor would light up like a Christmas tree.) So of course NBC Sunday Night Football would premier on a Thursday, it’s still a “day”, am I right? Bob Costas looked even more like a shambling corpse than last year. Tony Dungy looked as much like Nosferatu as he ever has. And then we were treated by a Marky Mark recap of last season’s Patriots Super Bowl win, with all the unnecessary lording over that would entail. I was actually surprised he was able to inform us of what happened in the fourth quarter since he checked out in the third with the rest of New England, but the fact remains that only the Patriots could show up a team which they have no rivalry with like it was a team full of Mangini’s.

The actual game itself began in prototypical fashion, with the continued slow evolution of Alex Smith turning in Rex Grossman, a human being who would actually look better if he had cauliflower ear. Think about it. And then there was Kareem Hunt with his first carry as a professional…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Official 2017 Razzball Football Picks

by: Jay

Ah yes, so we meet again… wait, did we actually formally meet? I mean, technically we’re meeting again, we’ve done this before… but did we really meet? Of course I’m an existential crisis waiting to happen, but that’s only because clinical depression requires so much work. I mean, I’d rather jog than emo, ya know? But back to where we started, this is your (and “our” I suppose) official 2017 Razzball Picks. Or selections. Or whatever nomenclature you prefer. I guess whatever it takes for me not to force you to read word “nomenclature” over and over again. We do this because, frankly, we just can’t write about everyone and everything that we love or hate. I mean, we’re talking about 1,696 players here. And so this is the quick and easy “viewer-friendly” version that allows you to quickly see our likes/dislikes/predictions for all of you to promptly point and giggle at…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Weekly Rankings, Week 1: Staff Consensus

September 7, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 Weekly Rankings | 55 Comments

by: Jay

2016 Accuracy	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Weekly Rankings	9	31	5	27	40	9	4
Draft Rankings	3	66	10	7	23	66	112

Tired of clicking multiple links just to look up where one of our writers ranked Gerald Everett? Wondering who Gerald Everett is? Good, because I’m with you on both counts! With Matt, Zach, and Tehol providing the Razzball readers with their own rankings (a contrarian consensus, as I like to say to pretend I’m clever), we’re going to provide our 2017 Fantasy Football Staff Rankings for the first time ever, a place where you can find all of our weekly rankings in one spot! The players will be sorted by our average ranking, providing you a great way to see how the Razzball Staff feels (questions posted in our comment section will be answered by all ranking writers!), and it’ll also provide our specific rankings so you know how each of us feel about a player. So many feels, so little time. Follow us after the jump for your Official 2017 Razzball Staff Rankings!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Weekly Rankings, Week 1: IDP Leagues

September 7, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 IDP Leagues, 2017 Weekly Rankings | 5 Comments

by: Jay

2016 Accuracy	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Weekly Rankings	9	31	5	27	40	9	4
Draft Rankings	3	66	10	7	23	66	112

As I alluded to in today’s previous Weekly Rankings release (SPOILER ALERT!), football is finally here! And with it comes an assortment of treats. And by treats, I specifically mean alcohol for me. And rankings for you. I’m proud to announce the return of IDP Rankings to Razzball, last seen a few seasons ago, we’ve returned to some of our niche roots. Not only did we add some light (or as the millennials call it: lite) IDP to our Razzball Commenter Leagues this year, but I myself believe that IDP is on the cusp of hitting the mainstream. I also think Armageddon is in the top-10 movies ever made, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt. Or like a huge rock of salt. Regardless, I’m happy to bring IDP back, seeing as how J.Timba was already in charge of bringing that sexy back. HOW CAN THIS MAN HOARDE ALL THE SEXINESS? Oh, that’s why. Let’s get to your Week 1 IDP Rankings!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Weekly Rankings, Week 1: STD, Half-PPR, PPR

September 7, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 Weekly Rankings | 56 Comments

by: Jay

2016 Accuracy	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Weekly Rankings	9	31	5	27	40	9	4
Draft Rankings	3	66	10	7	23	66	112

That’s right my friends, we made it. Another football season is about to begin, and to make sure the beginning is as miserable as possible for nearly 95% of the nation, tonight’s opening game features the same team that ended last season: The Patriots. Oh, and the Chiefs are there too, but I can’t take anyone seriously if it involves Alex Smith. But it matters not! For now, we have real football spanning over the next five months (or around a month-and-a-half if you live in Los Angeles), and this real football will, in turn, produce that which will fill our Fantasy Football holes. That makes it sound so crude and coarse, much like my love making. Regardless, with the new season budding with excitement and hope for all fans across the United States (unless you live in Los Angeles), it is now time to release the first iteration of our Weekly Rankings, because if there’s anything I’ve learned during my time here, it’s the world needs rankings. Nay… the world demands them. Honestly, what else is the point of having a Fantasy Football site if not to start knife fights over subjective numerical values? So get your best Ray Lewis going and make the jump for our Week 1 Rankings!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Razzball Rankings Versus…

September 1, 2017 | 2017 Draft Strategy, 2017 Fantasy Football | 192 Comments

by: Jay

We are here today to point out the differences between the Razzball Rankings (which finished Top-3 in 2016) and those that ESPN has released to the masses. Haha, just kidding. You know, it used to be that Matthew Berry, Tristan Cockraft (lovely human being, totally serious. Met him at the LABR party down in Arizona Spring Training, probably one of the nicest guys in the industry along with Eno Sarris), and Eric Karabell submitted their rankings for the Accuracy Challenge that our friends over at FantasyPros host… After both Berry finishing in the lower 80’s back in 2015 and then Karabell finishing in the same area-ish (“ish” because I can’t remember exactly ) last season, they have yet to be seen this season putting their rankings to the test. So while I used to be able to compare our rankings to what the “industry” had made “standard” (parenthesis for sarcasm I suppose), the first thing you’ll notice with our yearly “Rankings Versus” series is that there won’t be any Matthew Berry. Whether that’s ultimately a good or bad thing, I’ll let you decide. Because, hey, I’m just that kind of guy. But don’t worry! Instead, we’ll be taking a look at how our “industry” leading rankings stack against the ECR (Expert Consensus Rankings), and last season’s top “Accuracy Expert” (no sarcasm), Dalton Del Don from Yahoo! (do I have to yell it every time? Geez, that gets old real fast…) Sports, not to be confused with “Yoohoo! Sports”, which I do all the time. Then again, I usually confuse most things with chocolate drinks. Totally normal.

So be sure to check out our 2017 Fantasy Football Rankings, Auction Values, and our very own Cheat Sheet for any context you may need. I’d say that context needs more chocolate drink to be honest…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Weekly Rankings: Week 1, Way Too Early Edition

August 29, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 Weekly Rankings | 100 Comments

by: Jay

2016 Accuracy	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Weekly Rankings	9	31	5	27	40	9	4
Draft Rankings	3	66	10	7	23	66	112

Readers have already started clamoring for Week 1 Rankings, and I understand. While I generally choose this week/weekend to do the bulk of my drafting (spots are still open in our free-to-play RCL League!), just because I haven’t drafted much yet doesn’t mean you haven’t… And plus, clamoring has the word “clam” in it and I love clam chowder. You can take that two ways, and I’m pretty sure both of them are sexual. So there. And yeah, in case anyone was wondering, our Draft Rankings are pretty legit (L-E-G-I-T, because you need to spell it for extra legitimacy) as you can see above, but so are our Weekly Rankings.

I’ll be releasing an updated Week 1 Rankings post during my normal slot (hehe, slot) next week on Thursday, however, I do recognize that there are those of you out there ready to get their Week 1 lineups up and running. So for those of you already in season-mode, here are my Way-too-Early Week 1 Rankings for the 2017 Fantasy Football Season!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet

August 25, 2017 | 2017 Draft Tools, 2017 Fantasy Football | 107 Comments

by: Jay

And we’re not talking bed sheets folks. Because why would you cheat on those? What would the answers even be like? What does all of this even mean? I have no clue, mostly because it’s a Friday and I checked out as soon as I woke up. But fear not, with our glamorous preseason now in full swing in terms of drafting, why not accessorize your draft ensemble with our very own cheat sheet? And not just any cheat sheet, but one from a site that had the Top-3 Rankings in 2016! This sheet (it’s starting to sound like sh*t, isn’t it…) will contain our updated rankings (STD, Half-PPR, and PPR) and auction values as a viewable Google Sheets document to do with as you please. Holy sheets is right Batman! (Sorry if you’re not Batman.) So get your 2017 Razzball Fantasy Football Cheat Sheets after the jump!

Take on your favorite Fantasy Football contributors and other readers in the Razzball Commenter Leagues for a chance at prizes! Free to join, leagues still open!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The 2017 Fantasy Football Writers League Draft LIVE

August 24, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 Razzball Commenter Leagues, Our Leagues | 11 Comments

by: Jay

We’re going to be hosting a special presentation tonight (and I’m not just talking about Tehol), as the 2017 RCL Writers League Draft will be shown live here on the site at 9:00 PM EDT via Twitch! There will be plenty of ways to interact with us, through the chat and here in the comment section. We’ll answer your questions, unless it’s about Zach drafting Tom Brady first overall. We just have no idea why. So feel free to post your smack talk, critiques and your questions wherever you want (just the way your mother likes it) when the draft goes live!

STREAM UPDATE: DRAFT LIVE SHOW HAS ENDED!

And if you’d like to join your very own Razzball Commenter League, you can here!

Watch live video from akajw1 on www.twitch.tv

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Update, Preseason: Crowdsourcing the Commenters

August 24, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Football, 2017 Razzball Commenter Leagues, Our Leagues | 14 Comments

by: Jay

As the title states, we crowdsourcing. Since you know how much I love my corporate zeitgeist jargon… let’s source the crowd people! So, there are probably a few questions I want to ask, but the main one that branches out into the others (tree metaphors, woooooo) is basically this: What changes would you like to see next year to the RCLs?

We obviously have gone by a half-PPR format ever since I arrived, but everything else was pretty vanilla when it came right down to it… until this year when we rid ourselves of Kickers and DSTs and added three IDP slots. And it’s exciting because we’d never done anything exotic like this in the past, just a normal flex, 12-teams, preset scoring in most cases, etc., but I think you could have called half-PPR “exotic” several years ago, and now “standard” scoring seems to be a thing of the past. Times are a changin’, as the song says, and I have the feeling that what we know as a “standard league” today is not necessarily what the industry will cater to moving forward. And as a site that not only provides the best supply of puns and “yo momma” jokes, but also tries to pioneer itself whenever possible (mostly with puns and “yo momma” jokes), I am always very open into looking at new ideas and suggestions from the Razzball community and what you’d like to play and compete with. Even if that means you hate the idea of IDPs or still want to draft Kickers and DSTs (why you would ever, I just don’t know!)

I’d love to be progressive (or regressive if the masses speak!) with the RCLs, but I could use a little help. What changes would you like to see? What formats and scoring do you want to play? Let me know in the comment section below!

In the meantime, the season draws near and we still have some leagues open and drafts still going. Why not join a league for a chance at some great prizes? Here’s how…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Auction Values

August 23, 2017 | 2017 Draft Tools, 2017 Fantasy Football | 17 Comments

by: Jay

Well, this is it, one of the last remaining information dumps (hehe, dump) for the masses (that’s you, you’re a mass!) in preparation for the 2017 Fantasy Football Drafts that are happening as we speak. Or is it “as we read”? My head hurts. Essentially, we are almost set in terms of laying down the foundation of this year’s preseason Fantasy Football content. Then? We can actually talk about real football games and yo momma jokes galore! Peak Razzball if you ask me.

For those of you who have never played in an auction draft league, or for those of you who do nothing but make it rain when you hear the words Antonio and Brown in the same sentence, I’ll go over some pointers and overall auction strategy in the coming days, as to facilitate moderate-to-heavy alcohol consumption without the fear of drafting Mark Sanchez just because you thought nachos would have gone great with that glass of bourbon. Literal nachos would have, mind you…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Football Razzball Staff Rankings

August 22, 2017 | 2017 Draft Rankings, 2017 Fantasy Football | 40 Comments

by: Jay

2017 Rankings: Top 200 (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | QB | RB (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | WR (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | TE (Standard, Half-PPR, PPR) | K | DST

IDP Rankings: Top 100 | DL | LB | DB

Dynasty Rankings: Top 200 | QB | RB | WR | TE | Top-50 Rookies

2016 Accuracy	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Weekly Rankings	9	31	5	27	40	9	4
Draft Rankings	3	66	10	7	23	66	112

Tired of clicking multiple links just to look up where one of our writers ranked Gerald Everett? Wondering who Gerald Everett is? Good, because I’m with you on both counts! With Matt, Zach, and Tehol (coming soon!) providing the Razzball readers with their own rankings, we’re going to provide our 2017 Fantasy Football Staff Rankings for the first time ever, a place where you can find all of our rankings in one spot! The players will be sorted by our average ranking, providing you a great way to see how the Razzball Staff feels, and it’ll also provide our specific rankings so you know how each of us feel about a player. So many feels. Follow us after the jump for your Official 2017 Razzball Staff Rankings!

Please, blog, may I have some more?