Welcome to the first official installment of Betting With Beddict. Exciting, I know. Last week, I included my picks for the week and was obliterated, going 5-11. Since it wasn’t an official BWB post, we shouldn’t count it. Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? Obviously, I don’t, or wouldn’t bet on each and every single game, as that’s for the rich and stupid. Beddict is in the stay-rich business, and what hurts the most is that the three teams I believed in most of all totally let me down. I believed Seattle [Jay's Note: LOL], San Fran, and Miami to be full on locks, and was quickly humbled like Ray Rice when thousands of fans lined up to return their Rice jerseys on Friday… or like Christian Slater when he tries to go straight into nightclubs through the VIP line and gets choke slammed and left convulsing on the concrete. Sports gambling is a roller coaster, and if you’re truly taking it seriously, you can’t do what I did a few years ago and just starting betting on every single sporting event that’s going to be on TV. Don’t go there, trust me. I ended up in small village in Nicaragua, sucking the toes and taint of a drug lord’s wife, only so he’d spare my life. After completing my 3 year bid of red eye punching, I returned to the states and usually only picked a few games to throw down on, but you’ll get my take on every game and hopefully it helps you out in some way shape or form. As a bonus, my posts are extremely entertaining (debatable), so at the very least, you’re getting an extra serving of Beddict, and that’s nothing to turn your nose up at.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings!!! Week two was hella crazy, ya’ll; Adrian Peterson suspended for child endangerment, A.J. Green going down with a toe injury before making a single reception, and Jake Locker being beyond atrocious. Okay, well, maybe that last one wasn’t so shocking… but every soul on earth other than the legendary, Jay(Wrong), had Locker going HAM and eggs on the what was supposed to be pathetic defense of the Dallas Cowboys. Thinking about the once salivating thought of Locker to Justin Hunter, now sickens me beyond a level I believed only possible in the depths of Hades. More on these two bricks, later. My first four picks in my highest money league were as follows: Peterson, Alshon Jeffery, Andre Ellington, and Rob Gronkowski. Needless to say, I’m 0-2 and almost b*tch slapped my chicken out of anger. But then, I thought of Michael Vick, Ray Rice, Da Kraken, and the aforementioned AP, and decided to instead, hug my chicken, Beatrice, for love is the answer ya’ll. I’m Tehol Beddict, the only former-male thong model in history to be published in any form of sports writing, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Beer bonging a gallon of chew spit while watching your pregnant mother get a$$ blasted by Ron Jeremy> Owning Larry Fitzgerald in fantasy football in 2014.

-Tehol Beddict

Greetings, and welcome to another excruciatingly sexy edition of, Disgrace/Delight! I am your honored master of ceremonies, the Tehol Beddict, and I come to you bearing gifts. Where in the name of the Elder Gods are these gifts, you ask? The presents I offer you, distinguished ladies and gents, is the verbiage I’ve spewed out for you below in the form of written communication. Take it all in (swallow, don’t spit) and leave your thoughts and questions when you’re finished reading, as each and every one of you deserve special attention (ladies and Sky especially ).

You know what the deal is here and you definitely know what the real is. This is: DISGRACE/DELIGHT!!! TAKE HEED!

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Greetings!! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, and last night, in a Chantix dreaming slumber, the Elder Gods visited me and gifted me with the grandest of ideas: ROOKIES!! Who doesn’t love rookies? Always so enticing, aren’t they? Yes, yes, I know it’s strenuous to resist drafting them. even as I succumb to their alluring qualities. The fact is, rookies are predominantly a poor source of fantasy production, especially at QB and WR. Yes, children, I remember Cam Newton and Randy Moss, but those types of rookie breakouts are few and far between. Anyone else get sucked into swooping Tavon Austin last season? It huuuuuuurts! Being that it’s still preseason and all, myself and the Elders thought it wise to touch on most of the skill position players who went in the first few rounds of the 2014 draft, and that boys and girls, is just what we shall do!

We’re gonna do Disgrace/Delight a tiny bit different this week and just hit each player with a hashtag, #Disgrace, or, you guessed it, #Delight. Mind you, this tag is based upon what I feel the player will produce this season, not what I think of the overall skill set. I have a big audition tomorrow so let us begin. TAKE HEED!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can you feel the electricity in the air? I know what you’re thinking– Mom/wifey has yet to learn her lesson and attempted to deploy her plug-in vibrator in the Jacuzzi again. (When will they ever learn?) Pray to the Elder Gods that twas not due to them discovering my mythical Instagram account, for once a mortal witnesses those photographs they literally have no choice other than “Releasing,” which is much like the way I felt after viewing the latest Nicki Minaj video, Anaconda! I am known in some underground circles as they Ganymede of fantasy football analysts and I thoroughly embrace it. Back to that electricity your boy Beddict spoke; It’s due to the return of not only football, America’s greatest sport, but FANTASY FOOTBALL, America’s greatest game! ARE YOU READY?!?! I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!?!

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Greetings!!!  Welcome to Razzball’s first ever, REAL NFL Mock Draft. The more you know and understand about rosters and the NFL in general, will only help you achieve your grandiose dreams of fantasy greatness. Who better than I, Tehol Beddict, Razzball’s own in-house football expert, to break down what all 32 NFL teams should be doing with their first round selections? Don’t answer that.

I expect there to be numerous trades in the first round, and all throughout the draft, but I’m not even going to attempt at predicting all of the trade scenarios. That’s like trying to decipher how Nicolas Cage went from an A-list leading actor to the holding up “Will Work for Food” signs on Hollywood Boulevard.  I don’t recall ever being this pumped up about an NFL Draft, as this is one of the more intriguing draft classes in some time.  I’m giddy like a school girl on Christmas Eve!

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F#ck if your favorite writer dies, to me that’s my spot. I’ll celebrate his burial and eat at Ihop. Greetings ya’ll! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, Razzball’s resident mankini model and fantasy savant. Just because I get paid to flex my toned glutes, doesn’t in any way mean I can’t guide you to glory on the fantasy football field. It’s understandable that one would think there’s no way I could find the time to analyze each and every player in the NFL due to the fact I spend 6 hours a day doing Bobby Brown pushups and another 4 flexing in the mirror, but it is so. Having spare wenches around to massage my ass with warm milk while I watch game film is a major plus and without those Beddict groupies I’d be useless. We are now in crunch time and there is no time to waste my friends. I can only write about my bronzed buns for so long. Once your erection finally withers away move on to some in depth playa talk. Take heed!

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I’ve been patiently waiting to blow. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Tehol Beddict show. Greetings! I had to take a two week sabbatical to put in major work on my favorite charitable cause, “Beddict’s Single Mothers Project.” This charity was founded by myself, Tehol Beddict, in Jaunary of 2007 and takes aim at really solidifying the home life of abandoned or widowed mothers. The inspiration for this incredibly rewarding project came from none other than my idol/role model, Ernie McCracken, and his “Fatherless Family” sponsorship program. I devote a full 24 hours to single mothers that are deemed “worthy” by my assistants. By allowing them to make me 3 full meals with dessert plus two pipings and a tossed salad, they get to feel alive and appreciated again, helping them breakout of their funk and letting them live life to the fullest again. I’ve found that blowing these women’s backs out truly helps them become better mothers and for that I’m thankful. On NFL Sundays, doggystyle is a must, so you can both watch the game. I wasn’t the only prime-time performer on Sunday though guys. Alshon Jeffery, Josh Gordon, and Erik Decker also went balls deep on the opposition. Were you lucky enough to have one of these legends? Did anyone have all 3? If so I need to hear about it in the comment section. For those of you wishing to donate money to my “Beddict’s Singe Mothers Project,” please DM me on Twitter and we can work something out on paypal. Thank you so much. Now let’s get to what I witnessed last weekend. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MFer I’m a monster in this game, similar to the Lochness. My writing’s nappy rooted, all my pieces have a process. Greetings all! Tis I, Beddict, back with more fantasy football goodness, and boy am I excited tonight. No, not because Chris Johnson scored 2 TDs on Thursday night football, but for the reason that more biblical fairy tales are being turned into movies. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been hungrily awaiting a Passion of the Christ sequel. We aren’t receiving that YET, but it’s bound to happen some day right. We can always count on Uncle Mel to deliver us the classics. Instead we get my main man Russell Crowe in the blockbuster, Noah, and man does it look scrumptious. While it doesn’t have Gibson’s maniacal touch, it does reunite Crowe with Jennifer Connelly as they, with God’s help, wipe the face of the earth of all other human life. The Elder Gods laugh hysterically about these children’s tails but one has to wonder how Hollywood has waited so long to turn these fascinating works of fiction into billion dollar hits. This is only the beginning as we should soon expect big budget pictures about Peter walking on water, the Ethiopian in the desert, the stoning of Stephen, Moses and the parting of the Red Sea, Daniel in the lion’s den, and the aforementioned Christ sequel. I for one am praying on a trilogy depicting the battle of David and Goliath, Hobbit style. Peter Jackson would be a perfect fit in bringing these storybooks to life and if the Gods will it, Elijah Wood could even play the role of David. Hollywood is sitting on a goldmine and we are the main benefactors. Rejoice!

I should probably now write something regarding football since that’s why they pay me the big bucks. Let’s lead off with John Carlson since he seemingly returned from the dead like Jesus Christ himself. Take heed.

I should probably now write something regarding football since that’s why they pay me the big bucks. Let’s lead off with John Carlson since he seemingly returned from the dead like Jesus Christ himself. Take heed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, here to counsel you on how to handle bullying on the message board and point out some interesting targets and touches from this past week. Let’s begin with me admitting to be being guilty of the kind of verbal abuse on message boards that would make Richie Incognito seek Jesus. Sh!t down your throat? I’ll kill you? Rich please! These types of kindergarten threats should be handled immediately by responding with extreme prejudice. No, no , no! I don’t mean racially guys, geez! I’m speaking of the military term. Let’s try our best to leave racism out of this unless it’s downing white people as I’m totally fine with that.

Speaking of white people, let’s take a quick break and talk about the Oregon Clucks for a second. What an absolute disgrace they are. I was sitting front row at their National Title loss to Auburn and since that game they have choked each and every single year. The way they were humiliated by Stanford, home of pop-tart of the century, Jonathan Martin, made me physically ill. What a disgusting display of bummery. I am appalled and I’m sure Sky is becoming a Husky fan as we speak. Pathetic.

Please, blog, may I have some more?