Greetings! Your baby mother’s favorite fantasy football gunslinger is back! “Hile, Beddict.” “Hile, Gunslinger!” I can hear you chanting it from your mother’s basement! I am very much looking forward to tomorrow’s games, for I will be in Las Vegas, spread eagle at the Palazzo, getting my gooch waxed for what will certainly be an entertaining week.

Legal weed….Prostitution…….Automatic weapons…..Prostitution…..Gambling……Prostitution…Who doesn’t love Las Vegas!? Last time I visited, I lost 10K betting the over of the Alabama/Texas A&M game back in 2012. Alabama, at home, on senior night, with Eddie F*CKING LACY couldn’t punch it in from the 3 yard line against one of the worst defenses in college football history………..WHAT THE F*CK!!>!!>?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!! WHY ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Anyway, wish me luck, and enjoy my work below, if it does ya.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! TAKE HEED!!!!

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2017 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Week 2 76 79 96 25 64 18 95 7
Week 1 7 6 43 28 62 35 62 6
Cumulative 33 30 77 23 57 29 79 4
2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112
3-Year Average Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
2014-2016 21 37 28 22 42 16 33

Tired of clicking multiple links just to look up where one of our writers ranked Gerald Everett? Wondering who Gerald Everett is? Good, because I’m with you on both counts! With MB, Zach, and Tehol providing the Razzball readers with their own rankings (a contrarian consensus, as I like to say to pretend I’m clever), we’re going to provide our 2017 Fantasy Football Staff Rankings for the first time ever, a place where you can find all of our weekly rankings in one spot! The players will be sorted by our average ranking, providing you a great way to see how the Razzball Staff feels (questions posted in our comment section will be answered by all ranking writers!), and it’ll also provide our specific rankings so you know how each of us feel about a player. So many feels, so little time. Follow us after the jump for your Official 2017 Razzball Staff Rankings for Week 3!

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Greetings! Is it Week 3, already?! Holy O’hemlock, time is flying by, yet it’s frozen for me somehow. As I lay here, chest’a-flat on this one of a kind gargoyle-engraved marble bench in the depths of Beddict manor, I can’t help but question some of my life choices as I ponder my next move. I envision that many of you may feel the same way: Did you marry the right squaw/man? Why did you let him/her talk you into that third pet, or third child for that matter? Why is your son a quarter black? Why are you in that cubicle, working for some filth you despise, checking your Facebook account every five minutes, wondering if you should buy that seemingly incredibly crafted waist-trainer for your significant other? Would that make you want to bang him/her again? Probably not, but it’s something to waste more meaningless time with, giving you a glimmer of hope that one day, MAYBE, possibly, you could make love to your mate again and not have to envision some celebrity, hot third cousin, or you children’s friends or whatever sick fetish that is now festering inside you like a rotting, maggot-infested weasel corpse. Anyway, who’s ready for some football?

Razzball Football’s partner FantasyDraft is starting a new sign-up promotion this week, all new depositing signups receive a free $4 “Everyone Wins” NFL GPP ticket for the upcoming Sunday slate along with offering all players 4% cash back on their initial deposits! 

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2017 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Week 1 7 6 43 28 62 35 62 6
2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112

Tired of clicking multiple links just to look up where one of our writers ranked Gerald Everett? Wondering who Gerald Everett is? Good, because I’m with you on both counts! With Matt, Zach, and Tehol providing the Razzball readers with their own rankings (a contrarian consensus, as I like to say to pretend I’m clever), we’re going to provide our 2017 Fantasy Football Staff Rankings for the first time ever, a place where you can find all of our weekly rankings in one spot! The players will be sorted by our average ranking, providing you a great way to see how the Razzball Staff feels (questions posted in our comment section will be answered by all ranking writers!), and it’ll also provide our specific rankings so you know how each of us feel about a player. So many feels, so little time. Follow us after the jump for your Official 2017 Razzball Staff Rankings for Week 2!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! I come to you live from the airport, where I sit and judge every single person that walks by simply by their appearance. Why do we do this? The study of human behavior is a fascinating subject, so fascinating that I’ve decided to pay Rudy to build a similar program to Hittertron, that predict how many Razzball writers will block me on Twitter that week. I requested that the Rudester go balls deep, rhino-horn up the pie-hole style, cost be damned! What makes all the other writers hate me? They start off as fans, but eventually begin acting like one of my many, many, many, many, many, many, many, MAAAAAAAANY scorned lovers. Am I just an a*shole? Am I too defensive? Are they too defensive? You’ve got to be realistic about these things as the answer is most likely yes to all of the above, but it’s the details that will shock us, possibly even empower us to become better human beings. And on that note, my rankings are below. May it do ya fine!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112

Tired of clicking multiple links just to look up where one of our writers ranked Gerald Everett? Wondering who Gerald Everett is? Good, because I’m with you on both counts! With Matt, Zach, and Tehol providing the Razzball readers with their own rankings (a contrarian consensus, as I like to say to pretend I’m clever), we’re going to provide our 2017 Fantasy Football Staff Rankings for the first time ever, a place where you can find all of our weekly rankings in one spot! The players will be sorted by our average ranking, providing you a great way to see how the Razzball Staff feels (questions posted in our comment section will be answered by all ranking writers!), and it’ll also provide our specific rankings so you know how each of us feel about a player. So many feels, so little time. Follow us after the jump for your Official 2017 Razzball Staff Rankings!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Rankings or spankings, what be your preference, my goodmen? Why not both, I say. Aye, why not both of these joyous splendors of life? If that does happen to be the case, I reckon you just popped your second 30 milligram time-released Adderall of the day in a hopeless attempt at actually putting forth effort into a job you actually care extremely little about. Yes, you have children, but do you know 100 percent that they are of your seed? I mean, we all recall your cocaine and dry-humping days from college, and both have been known to cause permanent damage. Beddict would know as well as anyone. I suppose if you’re a woman, and you’re reading this, you are well aware of the father of your children… or do you look at little Tommy and then recall that girls trip you took to Antigua where you got blacked and rode a sexy, guitar playing Irishman who reminded you of the dude from ‘P.S. I Love You’? Aye, the man was hung like a prized moose, he was, and honestly, the kid’s probably the better for it. You’ve got to be realistic about these things. Either way, some of my rankings below may shock you a bit, but trust in the Elders and give me your faith, and I swear by all that is pure in what is left of this once great planet, that I will take you by the hand, and guide you to glory. Tis my fate, after all. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, say he’s a birther of great and powerful knowledge.

Below are my rankings for Week 1. I pray that you enjoy them and take them to hear. Thankee-sai. Take Heed!

Do you need a safe and easy way to store your league’s Fantasy Football fees? Look no further than LeagueSafe.  It’s fast, safe, and very user friendly.  Put in promo code: RAZZBALL and get a free $10 added to your league’s purse if you’re a new member!

Also, check out our other sponsor, Fantasy Draft, for all of your DFS needs. Contests on-going!

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Greetings! I write this to you, loyal subjects of Beddict, from the trap-house, the one I share on lengthy drug-bingeing weekends with a pink-haired beauty named Maleficent. I’d give the skin off my balls for 20 minutes of slumber, but you know what, upsetting sweet Jay by not having a post submitted today would latch a gonorrhea burn to my soul for the remainder of my days on planet earth, and that’s something I’d prefer not to live with. Let’s proceed, shall we, aaaaaahkay!

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is my Top 200 overall Rankings. TAKE HEED!

Take me on in the Razzball Commenter Leagues for a chance at prizes! Free to join, leagues still open!

Do you need a safe and easy way to store your league’s Fantasy Football fees? Look no further than LeagueSafe.  It’s fast, safe, and very user friendly.  Put in promo code: RAZZBALL and get a free $10 added to your league’s purse if you’re a new member!

Also, check out our other sponsor, Fantasy Draft! They are having a 25,000 Freeroll DFS contest this weekend for your chance to check out all of the enhancements that Fantasy Draft has made since last season. Try and win some cash… for free? Check it out!

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Before you begin to read this article, I shall require that you execute a move to a quiet and discreet location. If you have an office, close the door and shut the blinds. If thou works in a cubicle, a restaurant, manual labor, etc., I demand you leave at once. You deserve a sick day, you deserve… my sickness. I will even personally have a doctor write you a note. That is correct, I’ve consummated relationships with numerous doctors, the kind that are not timid when it comes to getting their hands dirty… Usually it’s a pointer finger up my butt, but in this case the gals will gladly write you the letter, prescriptions extra, butt (no pun intended) of course. Marijuana is encouraged, not because I smoke it (I’m sober), but because I’ve been told that’s the only way a human brain can properly portray what I am trying to get across here. If not, just steal some of your wife’s Adderall she keeps for weight-losing emergencies, you know, the stuff she keeps around to impress the co-worker she flicks the bean to three nights a week while you’re drinking macrobrews with your bros, or sleeping on the sidewalk for early Comic-Con admittance. Divorce her? And lose half of your things!?! ARE YOU INSANE? Have your children taken away from you!??!…Depends on the children I suppose. Do you realize your fantasizes of picking up a hot younger woman will disintegrate the moment you are sharing a studio apartment in the city with curtain down the middle with some 20-year-old college junior college grad driving a 2002 Prius, for you are now paying child support and are far less good looking than you’ve believed your entire life. You’ve become sloppy and overweight, balding; you’re a farter with halitosis that needs assistance in having the zits on his back popped. Maybe it’s time for some life changes. Quite possibly, it’s time to hit the gym, get some hair plugs and some benzoyl peroxide wash for your back… OOOOOOOOOOOOOR, you could just focus all you energy and built up repulsion of that badger you married, ON BUILDING THE GREATEST FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE! The key to getting out of your marriage ahead just be shutting her out completely and then having a private dick follow her around until he snaps some flicks of her getting papaya from that aforementioned co-worker we spoke of earlier. With that being said… I AM TEHOL BEDDICT and this DISGRACE/DELIGHT! TAKE HEED!

Take me on in the Razzball Commenter Leagues for a chance at prizes! Free to join, leagues still open!

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Greetings! Loyal subjects, it brings me great honor to join you for another week where we can discuss the state of your fantasy football team while also throwing out guesses as to whom, between Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage, is packing the bigger papaya. Gotta be Cage, right? Anywhoosers, I had an absolutely stupendous time at the Seahawks game this weekend. Destroying the team that represents perennial losers like Meek Mill and the 76ers created immense joy inside of my once empty soul. However, I did stop at Buffalo Wild Wings on the way to Beddict Manor, as it’s where I met one of the friends of mine I took to the game. The food there is beyond godawful and I have absolutely no idea how this restaurant got so big. You’re telling me that no other company could create a similar sports bar (i.e. just a bunch of TVs), with EDIBLE food and waiters who aren’t high out of their minds? I haven’t been to Hooters in like five years but, oh ho-ho, that succulent meat is calling my name. Did you think I was talking about their chicken wings? That’s a negative, Ghostrider. Anyone been to Twin Peaks? There’s one close by and I’m highly intrigued. Let’s chat later about it.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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