Welcome, everyone, to the first chapter of the story in which the Patriots win yet another Super Bowl.

Wait, what’s that?

They lost the opener? To Andy Reid? And Alex Smith? (Laughs for nine hours. Stops to breathe. Laughs another nine hours. Another inhale. Sleeps for six hours. Rinse and repeat.) So yeah, football’s back guys. And with it came the usual hour-and-a-half pregame show that generally felt like 127 hours while also at the same time watching the ending of 127 Hours for 127 hours straight. (If I ctrl-effed “hours” right now, my monitor would light up like a Christmas tree.) So of course NBC Sunday Night Football would premier on a Thursday, it’s still a “day”, am I right? Bob Costas looked even more like a shambling corpse than last year. Tony Dungy looked as much like Nosferatu as he ever has. And then we were treated by a Marky Mark recap of last season’s Patriots Super Bowl win, with all the unnecessary lording over that would entail. I was actually surprised he was able to inform us of what happened in the fourth quarter since he checked out in the third with the rest of New England, but the fact remains that only the Patriots could show up a team which they have no rivalry with like it was a team full of Mangini’s.

The actual game itself began in prototypical fashion, with the continued slow evolution of Alex Smith turning in Rex Grossman, a human being who would actually look better if he had cauliflower ear. Think about it. And then there was Kareem Hunt with his first carry as a professional…

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Can you guys feel it? Football is back baby! It feels forever ago that the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead, and now, for the first time in 7 months, we now can get back to meaningful football! I can’t wait! I can’t wait to fall asleep on my couch to the soothing voice of Scott Hansen, waking up and getting frustrated that my players are doing absolutely nothing, only to realize that it’s only the 2nd quarter and then falling back asleep to avoid watching Houston vs. Jacksonville.

It’s going to be a fun and hopefully very long season, so let’s jump right into it with my Week 1 rankings!

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If we were all born geniuses we wouldn’t be drafting until this weekend for leagues that we pay into. Most of us are terribly impatient fantasy football players and for whatever reason need an extra week or two to stare at rosters that we can’t do anything with while top end wide receivers and running backs tear their ACLs making awkward cuts.  Julian Edelman, Spencer Ware, and Cameron Meredith are all players going anywhere from the early to middle rounds that have had their seasons ended before they even started and thousands of people have these players on their rosters because WE MUST DRAFT IN AUGUST BECAUSE AUGUST IS DRAFT MONTH.  MY FANTASY BASEBALL TEAM SUCKS AND I NEED A ROSTER TO LOOK FORWARD TO. Yeah, I’m the exact same way.  Whether it is due to an injury on the roster, a good preseason, or a player is just being overlooked, here are some players that are worth your picks and also some that aren’t worth your time based on recent changes in August.

Take me on in the Razzball Commenter Leagues for a chance at prizes! Free to join, leagues still open!

Also, check out Rudy’s exclusive DFS and season-long tools that are sure to help you be profitable this fantasy football season!

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Hello everyone, and welcome to Razzball’s Fantasy Football 2017 Division Previews. On this piece, we’ll take a look at this year’s AFC East. In past offseasons, we’ve seen many versions of the same headline: “Watch Out Patriots, Dolphins/Bills/Jets Are The New Team To Beat”. And while we haven’t seen that storyline yet, this is a division that moved in the right direction as a whole. It’s good to see that just for football in general. There are a lot of fantasy storylines and scenarios to dive into, so let’s get right to it…

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Nov 20, 2016; Santa Clara, CA, USA; New England Patriots wide receiver Malcolm Mitchell (19) after a play against the San Francisco 49ers during the third quarter at Levi's Stadium. The New England Patriots defeated the San Francisco 49ers 30-17. Mandatory Credit: Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s Deep Impact! This is going to be a short one as I recover from my two Thanksgiving feasts (just one of the many benefits of growing up as a child of divorce). As my arteries course with gravy, allow me to share some players that I’m thankful are available in less than 10% of Yahoo leagues.

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Greetings! Oh ye followers of the Lord, I humbly summon you to partake in a birthday celebration fit for… fit for… well, a Lord. Tis my birthday on Thursday, and myself and the Lord’s keeper (Jay-Wrong) will be guzzling absinthe by the gallon while we watch Lord Grey Albright and Ralph Lifshitz joust to the death. I must mention the fact that Lord Grey is our liege Lord and his death can simply not be allowed. Therefore, Prospector Ralph must take one for the team. He will be deeply missed, and by deeply I mean that I will piss on his ashes and move his wench into my private quarters for a few months and add his children to my service staff. Spotted d*ck and rhinoceros steak sandwiches will be served for all of those interested in joining. Jay and I are both turning 25 this year [Jay’s Note: Haha.], and though we’ve accomplished so many tremendous things in our lives thus far, I see an even brighter future upon the horizon. Our partnership has become stronger than that of Siegfried and Roy as we continue to master fantasy football together as one. Let’s just pray neither of us is mauled by a Tiger. [Jay’s Note: Amen brotha…]

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take heed!

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Welcome back, my horde, to the first official hit it or quit it for the 2016 season!  Sure, I teased you all a little bit with some of my draft and preseason action, but this is the real thing, baby!  Hopefully, you all made it through week 1 without my “Black Widow Curse” taking out your first round draft picks?  I know I made it unscathed this week.  I think I am finally getting the hang of this thing and embracing the evil that is this curse rather than trying to fight it.  I know a couple of you lost some people, and for that, I wish I could say I was sorry, but I am embracing the evil, remember?  So, at least I can make it up to you some way by maybe giving you some people to target this coming week.  Because, after all, I am not a girl who just takes.  I know the importance of giving as well as receiving, especially if we are going to make this love affair last.  So, without further ado, here you are my loyal creeps, weirdos, perverts, geeks, convicts, inmates and overall degenerates, Hit It or Quit It, Week 2.

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Welcome back to this week’s “Depp Impact”, where we analyze famous Johnny Depp cameos and how they affected the films he appeared in. Let’s start with 21 Jump Street, a surprisingly funny romp in which Depp, wearing more prosthetics than an amputee convention, joined Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will instead be another Deep Impact, our weekly look at those options deep league players should be targeting. We’re entering the stretch run for drafting, so let’s take another look at some players you should be looking to scoop up in the last rounds before Week 1.

Hey speaking of drafts, there are still some spots left in our RCLs! Get in there quick before it fills up, so you can all compete for second place to yours truly. Now that the shameless plug is out of the way, let’s get to some names. Keeping with last week’s format, we’ll look at guys currently going after pick 180. If you’re only playing 10- or 12-team leagues, these players are at best people you should keep an eye out on. I caught flak in some corners of the internet last week for mentioning Jay Cutler’s name because mouthbreathers struggle with reading comprehension, and didn’t understand that if you’re late in the draft of a deep league, there is at least one glaring flaw causing these guys to be available…

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Before his trade from the Tennessee Titans to the Philadelphia Eagles on Tuesday, Dorial Green-Beckham was a late round WR4/WR5 flyer, at best. But DGB was also somebody that people just couldn’t seem to agree on. His average WR ADP was around 50, with some experts ranking him as high as 31 and other ranking him closer to 90. Some touted his untapped potential (and 6’5”, 235 lb frame) and the talent he has flashed in the past, while others have pointed out his overall lack of production and his tendency to disappear (see weeks 1, 5, 7, 10, and 16 last year, when he had exactly zero catches).

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