Welcome, everyone, to the first chapter of the story in which the Patriots win yet another Super Bowl.
Wait, what’s that?
They lost the opener? To Andy Reid? And Alex Smith? (Laughs for nine hours. Stops to breathe. Laughs another nine hours. Another inhale. Sleeps for six hours. Rinse and repeat.) So yeah, football’s back guys. And with it came the usual hour-and-a-half pregame show that generally felt like 127 hours while also at the same time watching the ending of 127 Hours for 127 hours straight. (If I ctrl-effed “hours” right now, my monitor would light up like a Christmas tree.) So of course NBC Sunday Night Football would premier on a Thursday, it’s still a “day”, am I right? Bob Costas looked even more like a shambling corpse than last year. Tony Dungy looked as much like Nosferatu as he ever has. And then we were treated by a Marky Mark recap of last season’s Patriots Super Bowl win, with all the unnecessary lording over that would entail. I was actually surprised he was able to inform us of what happened in the fourth quarter since he checked out in the third with the rest of New England, but the fact remains that only the Patriots could show up a team which they have no rivalry with like it was a team full of Mangini’s.
The actual game itself began in prototypical fashion, with the continued slow evolution of Alex Smith turning in Rex Grossman, a human being who would actually look better if he had cauliflower ear. Think about it. And then there was Kareem Hunt with his first carry as a professional…Please, blog, may I have some more?