Hello everyone, and welcome to Razzball’s Fantasy Football 2017 Division Previews. On this piece, we’ll take a look at this year’s AFC East. In past offseasons, we’ve seen many versions of the same headline: “Watch Out Patriots, Dolphins/Bills/Jets Are The New Team To Beat”. And while we haven’t seen that storyline yet, this is a division that moved in the right direction as a whole. It’s good to see that just for football in general. There are a lot of fantasy storylines and scenarios to dive into, so let’s get right to it…

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oh-henry

Alternate titles for today’s post included “Trick or Tyreek” in honor of Halloween, “Crowder? I Hardly Know Her” (used below), and “The Triple Lutz“. As you can see I chose neither of them. Once again I seem to have managed to stitch together a starting lineup, using waiver wire material, that would have beaten just about any team in your league or any other. You know the old saying “don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, don’t do that. Unless you’ve actually read the book. The theme of this weeks seems to be players taking advantage of an opportunity given to them because another player was injured.

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DENVER, CO - OCTOBER 30: Running back Devontae Booker #23 of the Denver Broncos rushes for a touchdown in the third quarter of the game against the San Diego Chargers at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on October 30, 2016 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)

Greetings! Over these past few weeks I’ve often wondered: “Have they missed me since I’ve been gone?” Will my strongest supporters simply move on and attach themselves to any of the other talented Razzball writers, or will they mourn me by drinking and drugging themselves for the remainder of their miserable lives, slowly killing themselves in the memory of the Lord? What I can tell you is that I’ve spent the past couple weeks in the crater of Mt. Vesuvius, smoking mass quantities of peyote and drinking absinthe by the boatload, conversing with the Elder Gods about my future and what has been foreseen. The good news, you ask? My dream of my writing career surpassing my great many thong modeling accomplishments looks like a given, but the bad news, my goodmen, oh hohoho, you mustn’t never find out for only the scurviest of bottom feeders could possibly have the wherewithal to comprehend what I must do. They’ve rarely been wrong in their predictions for my life in the past. I mean, they did predict I would finish second overall in the FantasyPros rankings a few weeks back AND they informed me that some crazy hood rat would come out the woodwork, saying I owe her 500 dollars for blowing out the back of the gal watching her home while she was out of town. This gutter ferret had the gaul to threaten me on Facebook. ME! The Lord! My judgement shall be swift and merciless, and her destiny of bobbing for worm-infested apples, surrounded by diseased swine in the dank dungeon of House Beddict. Just because I put a dime piece in the perfect flex on her cheap ass bed certainly doesn’t mean that I broke and it certainly does not mean the Lord will throw some gold coins at her to shut her hole. Peasantry.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

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CHARLOTTE, NC - DECEMBER 14: Wide Receiver Russell Shepard #89 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers during the game against the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium on December 14, 2014, in Charlotte, North Carolina. The Buccaneers lost 19-17. (photo by Matt May/Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

Welcome to our Week 8 streamer article.  We had a great week last week with the New York Giants DST and Ty Montgomery.  Let’s keep the momentum going this week!

Who are these people who are out on the NFL?  It seems like that is all that I hear about on podcasts and radio shows anymore.  I understand that good primetime games are hard to come by but bad football is better than no football, right?  I just know that in March when there’s no football, I’d much rather watch the Jaguars and Titans than a regular season basketball game.   Let’s get to some streamers…

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Toughness comes in many forms. Ivan Drago in Rocky IV was the stereotypical tough guy. So tall that he blocked the sun from reaching us mere mortals, a body that made both men and women soil their drawers, and a haircut that signified to the world that he DGAF. On the flip side, a tough guy can also be one that is impervious to pain. Rocky was that kind of tough guy. He was so tough that Drago whined that “he is not human, he is a piece of iron.” Which brings me to Josh McCown. Huh? Well, he does have the same haircut as Drago. But McCown is more Rocky than Drago. During his only game of the season so far, he suffered an injury in the first quarter. An injury that was later deemed a broken collarbone. He ended the game 20-of-33 for 260 yards with 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. First quarter people! Broken collarbone! The postgame interview was legendary. That’s my quarterback! I do own him in a league, so I can say that.

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In what could have been a wonderful work of satire in today’s title, last night’s Sunday excursion into Minnesota’s new football stadium may have upended years of programming in thinking that Sam Bradford (22/31, 286 YDS, 9.2 AVG, 2 TD, 121.2 RTG and 1 CAR, -3 YDS) isn’t quite the second coming of Joe Montana, but moreso a cross between Mr. Glass from Unbreakable and Jimmy Clausen. Yeah, an M. Night Shyamalan reference, deal with it. One game won’t change my expertly crafted comparisons, but after beating a team that has basically controlled the division for the last decade, and doing it mostly without Adrian Peterson who did essentially nothing until finally resigning to get injured and leave the game, should say something. I mean, Matt Asiata got more in his first carry this game than Peterson has ran the entire year… And so when we are in the second week of the season, saying that the Vikings front office was onto something by mortgaging a part of their future in a desperate attempt to replace Teddy Bridgewater may be a step too far as of now (since if you whisper “Sam Bradford” into a mirror three times, one of his ACLs will explode.), it is an encouraging start. And before you think that Bradford may not be the lede you were looking for, I think the meta conversation here is that forming conclusions and finding confirmation bias from two weeks of football is probably not wise. And that’s something that should probably be discussed. It matters in the general football sense if you’re, say, a Seahawks fan, but it also matters in fantasy football if you’re, say,  a Todd Gurley owner. When is the right time to panic? To make a move? We’ve only seen about 12% of the season thus far, and to make a baseball reference, that’s game 20. Making waiver moves, exploring trades, probing at what you can do is always a good thing, but my advice here (since I’ve seen a lot of inquiries on this) is to hold for the moment. Or, at the very least, do not sell yourself short. Just wait a bit longer before chugging down the bourbon and gaslighting yourself… one more week, maybe two, before you make any major decisions, and I promise you’ll have a clearer picture and still have enough time left to do something about it.

Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s Week 2 Sunday games…

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Quick question: If this game was on in May, would you watch it? To be honest, I wouldn’t just watch it, I’d dissolve it in a spoon and inject it into my left eyeball. But 12 weeks into the season? Yeah, not so much. While I thought the final score would be 7-0 (an insurmountable lead!), the Ravens and Browns match-up did, at least, provide some semblance of what football would look like under normal conditions with normal teams. But anything beyond that descriptor is probably pushing it. Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad in the second half, but in the end, as the Browns pulled defeat out of the jaws of a possible tie (shown above), I didn’t really know if this game was entertaining, or I had just been reduced into thinking it was mildly interesting. And while most AFC North rivalries carry a bit of, well, national appeal, this one really doesn’t. Sure, Cleveland isn’t too fond of the Ravens, seeing as how their franchise is only three years older, yet they’ve drafted four Hall of Famer’s and a pretty large number of Pro Bowl players, and then, of course, the postseason success. But… that’s pretty much the extent of it. And, well, you know, the whole Art Modell thing. Well, anyways, one thing is for sure, that was certainly peak Browns last night. PEAK.

“See? This is why I don’t want any more Browns here.” – Donald Trump.

Join myself and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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Johnny Manziel is a punk.  Yeah, I like my sports to be entertaining, but I applaud the Browns for benching Manziel. What’s the big deal, you say?  Well, not only did he lie to the team, but he just left a rehab center and he’s out partying.  He’s a grown-ass man, but he’s also being paid as an investment.  Sorry, if my investment is acting like a clown when it’s clear he’s had issues in the past, I’m making the same moves that the Browns did. See you on TV in a few years, Johnny. Let’s get to the streamers.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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So many significant and/or season ending injuries in the NFL this past week.  By the time Thursday comes around there has already been a lot written about these situations, specifically how to value the backups.  The aspect that you probably haven’t seen covered as much at Razzball is how to value the players lost for the season in keeper or dynasty leagues.  So that’s what I’ll be hitting on.  For the players who have suffered less severe injuries, it’s important that we get a handle on their recovery times.  In other words, to properly value Jeremy Langford, we have to know the extent of Matt Forte‘s injury, which is easier said than done.  First I’ll discuss the players with season ending injuries, starting with the most valuable fantasy football players.

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Notable injuries yesterday: EVERYONE. That’s correct my friends and fellow fantasy players, the time has come to huddle together and drown in our collective tears. And when I say tears, I don’t just mean the kind that comes out of our eyes. I’m talking the kind that comes happens to our body parts… Chances are, if you had a player on your team playing yesterday, they exploded and tore something. Entire body sections were lost yesterday, as if millions of ACLs and MCLs suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced. Steve Smith? Out for the year with a potentially career-ending Achilles tear. Reggie Bush, carted off the field with a torn ACL. Ryan Fitzpatrick, left the game early in the first quarter. The Chargers entire roster left their game against the Ravens before the second half. (Twelve total players.) Matt Forte, an undisclosed knee injury. In fact, Andrew Luck felt so left out from yesterday’s festivities, reports were released showing that he’s been playing with fractured ribs along with a still-present shoulder injury. And, of course, Le’Veon Bell’s injury (shown above) looms large as we continue to wait on any kind of news. As of now, it appears that Bell has avoided the dreaded ACL injury and that it might just be limited to a MCL injury. That basically means a multi-week setback at best, but doesn’t rule out a season-ending one. [Update: The latest reports show that he did suffer a full tear of his MCL, most likely ending his season.] As of now, DeAngelo Williams returns to the starting role, an area which he excelled at early in the season during Bell’s suspension, and Dri Archer will also see some carries, further proving that he is still as useless as ever. Gentlemen and ladies, these are the times when I realize alcohol is an important part of the life process. Let us drink, and hopefully not be injured while doing so…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 8’s Sunday games…

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