Bengals Bungled

Not sure which one is winning the staring contest…

As we are just days away from Thanksgiving, the NFL Playoff picture is taking shape. (Just as your fantasy leagues move into the playoff portion of their respective schedules.) No team looks particularly dominant, even with two undeafted teams (the Panthers and Patriots) as near-locks to play in January. Each team has a particular set of weaknesses, weaknesses that they have acquired in the first 11 weeks, weaknesses that make it nightmare for all of us. Case in point, the Bengals losing to the Cardinals during Sunday Night Football… Cincinnati is the Enron of football; Promising start, get everyone invested early… and when they fold they leave a lot of people wondering what the f*ck just happened. The Falcons are part of the NFC South, relegating them to disappoint whenever possible, and the Vikings have had their issues (mainly everything on the offense that hasn’t abused a child) and the Giants and Bills will find a way to lose their next five games. I’m sure. The Broncos and Colts have quarterback issues, and the Packers and Steelers have interesting ways of defining “defense” and “play-calling”. That essentially leaves the Panthers (who calmly brushed Washington aside yesterday) as the most-likely strongest team going into the last few months of the season. An NFC South team making possibly going deep into the playoffs? What I time we live in folks. What. A. Time.

Here’s what else I saw during Week 11’s Sunday games…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Benchwarmers, Week 9: Achilles Heal

by: Doug

Just like Oprah with her giveaways, the football gods certainly gave us a lot of injuries to have to deal with in football and also to deal with in fantasy football. That is what this post is for though, to figure out the treats from the tricks (yeah, yeah, it was late but it still works).

Firstly, we are dealing with the season-ending injury of a consistent fantasy football contributor and one of the best wide receivers to ever play the game. Steve Smith Sr. went down on Sunday with a torn Achilles and is out for the season. Arguably the only wide receiver/tight end worth owning in Baltimore, the task will fall onto a rag-tag bunch of misfits. Now, whether or not the Ravens actually go out and try to acquire a wide receiver before the trade deadline on November 3rd is another story. But for the time being, considering who is there… it’ll be hard to figure out who will pick up the slack. But when Smith down with his back injury before, Kamar Aiken was the one who seemed to be the biggest beneficiary of Smith’s absence. He had two straight weeks of 75+ yards (Week 4 and 5) receiving and saw the most targets of any Ravens wide receiver during that span. He is immediately thrust into an inconsistent WR3 zone that owners need to grab, as first round pick Breshad Perriman does not seem like he will be playing this season. Aiken may not be worth playing right away, but he deserves to be on benches for those who are lacking wide receiver depth.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em, Week 5: Bathing in Russell Wilson’s Holy Water

October 10, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 57 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Homies, I’m home! Greetings! I come to you live from Kathmandu, at a retreat where other Elder God chosen worshipers come to participate in peyote smoking, animal sacrifice, and some other mind-stimulating activities I’m not at liberty to discuss. Living at this elevation has really helped me clear my head of all negative thoughts and distractions, and if the Elders are correct, this will be the greatest weekend of my Fantasy Football predicting life. Thus far, we’ve discussed “fear of failure” and “radical acceptance”, and all of a sudden, things have become so clear for me; Razzball will go on to become the largest fantasy sports site on the planet and I will ride around our world’s largest cities on an elephant while women throw themselves at my well manicured feet. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take heed!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Stats Machine, Week 5: The Most Electrifying Stats

October 9, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 37 Comments

by: malamoney

FINALLY!!! The defense has come to The Stats Machine! For the past many weeks I have been promising an updated algorithm in which opposing the defense is accounted for. Today I deliver on that promise. The premise is simple. All offensive performances will be weighted based on the ranking of the defense against which they posted said performance. Defenses have been ranked by the following four categories. Passing yards allowed vs QB. Rushing yards allowed vs RB. Receiving yards allowed vs WR. And receiving yards allowed vs TE. If one team allowed jus a few yards less than the next, but has given up several more touchdowns to a give position, I have swapped them in the rankings. With that preamble out of the way, let’s get to it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who Are These Guys?, Week 5: Kissing Cousins

October 7, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 19 Comments

by: malamoney

Apparently there is some discrepancy as to what exactly a “kissing cousin” is. Am I even allowed to end a sentence with the word “is”? [Jay’s Note: Sure are!] Either way, I just did. It is what it is. Like many, I have always thought a kissing cousin was a second, or more distant, cousin in which that law allows you to bed. Contrary definitions say it is any person close enough to kiss hello upon greeting. The law dictates that one cannot marry a first cousin. Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins. Jerry Lee Lewis did too, and she was only 13 years old at the time. I’m not even going to begin to attempt to recount the number of violations to this and other related rules in The Game of Thrones. Speaking of GOT, when is that coming back? The Leftovers season two just started and I’m not really sure how to react to the first episode. Anyone else? So what band of idiots can I put together from Week 4 that would have unexpectedly gone from geek to chic and crushed any team in its path.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Benchwarmers, Week 5: Randling All These Injuries

October 6, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 13 Comments

by: Doug

So like my team (the best team in the league of course) the Patriots had their bye on Week 4, so did I. But now I’m back, and all of you who were lost without my words of wisdom are saved. As the season is ¼ over, we are starting to see injuries, starters struggling, and backups thriving. This changes the tide of who is worth owning and who is worth dropping. As always, I’m here to lead you in the right direction. And the first player I’m going to talk about is someone I never thought I’d mention worth owning since like 2010…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Love to Hate, Week 4: Eifert in Your General Direction

September 29, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 50 Comments

by: Brandon

Hello Razzball! This is the first in a series of weekly articles written by yours truly that will be looking into each of the week’s match-ups and picking out one player I Love and one player that I Hate from each game. Before I get into this week’s picks, I’ll give some background into how I make my picks. The first thing I look at is the Vegas betting lines, specifically the point spread and the over/under totals. These are two huge factors when making picks, especially for daily fantasy sites. If I’m ever debating between two similarly rated players for my Flex position, checking out the point totals could be a deciding factor for me. Of course, between now and kickoff, some of the lines could change by a few points, so it is important to check these again later in the week after some injury situations are cleared up. I’m also going to try and avoid making the obvious picks, as those won’t help anybody. Now, onto the picks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who Are These Guys?, Week 3: You Never Had Your Carr

September 23, 2015 | 2015 Daily Fantasy, 2015 Roster Strategy | 30 Comments

by: malamoney

You almost had me? You never had me – you never had your car… Granny shiftin’ not double clutchin’ like you should. You’re lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn’t blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me? Back in 1999, I bought a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. I had wanted one of these cars for a while because I knew they had potential to be very fast with just a few minor modifications. I didn’t know much about cars back then, but I was determined to learn. Over the course of the next two or three years, I gradually upgraded my DSM. During that time, I made a handful of great friends that helped me with the bigger projects that were beyond my scope of skills. I was able to up-install an Injen intake, upper intercooler pipe, turbo timer, boost controller, and even an A’PEXi Super AFC. But when it came to swapping out the stock T25 turbo with a 16G, or the wimpy side mounted intercooler with a GReddy front mounted intercooler, I had to rely on the expertise of GSXtreme (aka JM Fabrications). He had a GSX too. I was a pretty red color and it was fast. Real fast. There was something extremely rewarding (and fun) about putting time and effort into my car and then taking it to the quarter-mile track to evaluate the upgrades. Eventually I was able to drive that 2.0-liter DOHC 4-cylinder engine, 4-speed automatic transmission, all wheel drive car to a sub 13-second quarter mile (12.95). But the most satisfying reward was the ability to embarrass Mustangs on a routine basis. I lived in the Trenton, NJ area at the time, and on Sunday nights everyone would meet in the Best Buy parking lot on Route 1, just north of Philly. We’d admire each others’ rides, bullsh*t for a while, and then head to the side streets and race. It was fast and the furious before The Fast and The Furious was fast or furious. Fast forward fifteen years and I still have that car. With just 80,000 miles, it sits in my garage and is never driven, but I still have it. I should probably sell it, and would if I got a fair offer, but I am just not motivated to let it go.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Smokey Says: Mr Hankey, the Eagles DEF is Poo

September 11, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 17 Comments

by: Smokey

Well hello again friends and enemies. We embark on another year of fantasy usefulness here at Razzball, and as always, I am here to shed a spotlight on something either obvious or not so obvious. This week, the one obvious thing that I am going to point out to all of you is the match-up between the Eagles and the Falcons. The game itself does nothing as a whole for us from a fantasy perspective, but the player I want to spotlight on is Leonard Hankerson. Granted, Leo hasn’t ever really been in a keen quarterback situation, unless you count that half a year with RG-3. He is not a possession receiver, nor a burner. He’s just an ordinary guy. This week though, he has a chance to be something better. He can be the WR3 we are all coveting for in Week 1 that a lot of people are sleeping on. Wondering why? Hell, I am too, but stick with me and I will steer you to Week one helpfulness as the lighthouse spotlight shines on the A-T-L…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last Second Decisions – Who Needs Fantasy When The Panthers Are This Good?!

November 24, 2013 | Last Second Decisions | 102 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

As a life long Panther fan, it’s usually been fantasy that’s carried me through the season, but flippity floppity and look at em go! In the midst of their 6-game win streak I’ve seen my fantasy teams go to way of the Nick Capozzi David Wilson hot tub. But I had decent starts in my leagues – I’m mostly around .500 on most teams (and mostly come out at night! mostly…) – so there’s a few weeks left to cross my fingers and hope my Writer’s League team can make the playoffs after starting 8-0. Because it’s looking really, really bad…

What’s great about the fantasy football season is that the pivotal weeks go down the next few weeks, and if I suffer a ridiculous Thanksgiving showing (something as nuts as say, Michael Floyd getting a bajillion points), I can just eat my pity away with Thanksgiving leftovers. I’ll go into the day like Shawn Kemp as a rookie and leave it like Kemp as a Cav. Except minus all the baby mamas! Tryptophan isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac… I hope you all have a great week 12 and Thanksgiving, and hope Razzball Nation crushes towards a 1st seed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sawbones Scribings Week 12 – Redskins Are Black and Blue

November 22, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Injury Report | 11 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

The team that resides in the nation’s capital is having a real hard time lately. They have two key injuries this week and it’s starting to look bleak.

First they lost WR Leonard Hankerson for the season to a torn ACL. The doctors were checking his knee after an injury to his LCL suffered against Denver and that’s when they found the ACL damage.

Tight end Jordan Reed (concussion) is also up in the air for this week’s game too. He’s sat out the last couple days’ worth of practice and his status for Monday night against San Francisco is unknown. While he has the extra day this week, he’s not an advisable start this week.

I’d also be gunshy about playing RGIII for the same reason. He’s also starting to run out of receivers. It’s basically down to Santana Moss and Pierre Garcon, the latter of whom I am amazed is still healthy and upright at Week 12. Fred Davis isn’t inviting at the tight end spot. Alfred Morris adds nothing in the passing game (three receptions this season) so Roy Helu would be the only real pass-catching option out of the backfield.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Targets and Touches: Jimmy Graham Goes Green Eggs and HAM

September 20, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 47 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Greetings! Tis I, the extraordinary Mr. Beddict, here to shoot fantasy football knowledge from my fingertips to your brains. I’m gonna shoot. I’m gonna shooooooot. After scouring the box scores for days on end, I’ve concluded that some of my guidance in the comment section might have actually been advantageous. And for that I give myself, Tehol Beddict, two snaps and a twist! It’s reigning men out here in the fantasy football world, and my duty here at Razzball is to handpick a squad of these demi-gods every week and dissect their targets and production for your reading pleasure. It’s been said Bill Simmons flogs the dolphin to my posts. There’s been rumors Peter King has my 1997 Playgirl foldout on his wall. What they don’t understand is that no amount of money could ever tear me away from Razzball, the home of legends like Grey, Rudy, and my sensei Sky-dog. Ok, that’s probably an overstatement. Five hundred would probably get the deal done. Enough about me (is that possible?), let’s get to the players we rode like Seattle Slew for the win, or the so called gladiators who performed like gelded steers during mating season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?